“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” -Steve Maraboli

Hello all! Today I wanted to post about something that has been on my mind but dont know where or even how to start. 2020 didn’t start out the way I was hoping it would. I had already decided back in December that 2020 would be the year of changes in my life but i was thinking that because I’m graduating college, getting married, and moving away. But apparently, there are more changes coming my way and they won’t all be easy.

I’ve spent many nights thinking about one of the bigger and more painful changes coming in my life. Letting go of people, even if they mean the world to you, is never easy. But sometimes it’s the best thing to do.

I actually had an epiphany the other day while talking to my friend. As many of you know, I was married before. With my last marriage, I actually lost a friend because she couldn’t be accepting of my life choices. She was my closest friend and now we hardly ever speak. And when we do, it’s brief. This time, I am preparing to get married and I am faced with a similar incident. Different person, similar story. But I know it is more about what they having going on in their life but their words have become harsher the closer I get to being married. It’s at the point where they are no longer supportive and it hurts. I am actually now afraid to be myself around this person and it kills me because we were fine up until this year.

A year of change, a year of new things, a year where I get to be me. I’m getting married in the temple to an amazing guy who love me and I love him. No one can take that from me, no matter how against it they are.

Yes, I understand people who say “it’s too soon” but I have prayed about it and know that it’s right. I dont have to date someone for 1, 2, 4, or 10 years to know that I want to marry them. If God tells me that’s who I should marry then I will do it. He’s an amazing guy and it pains me that people who like him and know I’m happy, cant just be happy for me.

Why is society to the point where friends cant even be happy for friends without trying to tear them down? Why cant friends rejoice in our happiness?

I know I’m rambling, I’m just hurt and I have been treated worse and worse for the last year by the same person. A person who makes me feel so betrayed. But, on the positive side of things, we dont stay in the valleys forever. Things do get better and I know that it will. I may have to let go of people near and dear to me but sometimes to heal you have to hurt.

Thank you for coming to hear me complain. I hope no one ever has to go through this and if you do, I am here dor you.

Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

-Deborah Reber

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” – Henry Ford

First of all, welcome 2020, here’s to another year of blogging! Sorry, it’s been so long, life has been interesting, to say the least. But more about that later.

Let me take you back to the fall of 2011, I was 19 and starting college at Fresno City College. I didn’t fully understand the point of college but I knew I needed to go so I could get a better job. I wasn’t set on a major but I was registered for all general ed classes because they didn’t depend on what I decided my major would be. That semester, I failed my math class but I didn’t give up. In the spring of 2012, I once again stepped foot on the college campus and was doing what I needed to do to get through life. I moved out of the house and things were going well. That semester I failed math, political science, and astronomy but I didn’t give up. Fall 2012, I once again stepped out into the college scene and this time registered for 17 units, more than the 15 or 16 I took before. College was not for me that semester, let me tell you. I was constantly sick with a fever every other week and doctors didn’t know what was wrong. I was in two accidents, both not my fault, and the second one resulted in my car getting totaled. My family moved away so I experienced lonely holidays and heartache. I dropped out of school, resulting in me failing all of the classes I was taking. I didn’t give up but I knew I couldn’t go to class with a constant fever so I just stopped going, without actually dropping the classes. It was stupid of me, I know.

I then went on my mission from 2013 to 2014. Spring of 2015 came around and I felt ready to take on a college class or 2. I took online classes because I also wanted to get a job, and I knew my major would be either English, which is what I was learning towards before my mission, or child development because I have always had a passion for working with children. I passed my class and enrolled in 2 summer courses, passed both of those, and signed up for math in the fall (as well as another class). By some miracle, I passed math with a B! When 2016 arrived, I moved to LA, which set me back a bit and I attempted online classes but didn’t do well. I then transferred schools, which was a pain due to Fresno City College losing a book I had returned. I struggled to take a couple online classes but in the fall semester of 2017, I decided to go back to school full-time, even though I was also working. Well, due to my divorce, I had to drop everything and received a W in all of my classes. I then moved to where I’m living now and enrolled in my first courses (three to be exact) in the summer of 2018. I passed all three and set out to be a full-time student in the fall, passing all of my classes but stats, which I dropped with a W. Spring of 2019, I took a full load again and passed all but stats, which I again dropped with a W. Fall 2019 rolled around and I enrolled in stats for the final time, as well as English and Biology. Yikes, what was I even thinking? By some miracle, I passed all of my classes.

I am posting this today to show how far I have come. I never completely gave up, I kept trying. And now, today, I have six degrees. I have come so far, faced trials, and I did it. I know a lot of people say they are proud of me but I wanted to write this because I am proud of myself. There were moments where I didn’t think it was going to happen. But here I am, looking at the six pieces of paper that remind me of all the growth, as well as setbacks, that happened since I first set foot in a college classroom almost 10 years ago. I can finally say that I did it, I am a college graduate. And I thank everyone who was there for me. Here’s to the millions of tears shed to produce these six papers! Thank you!

“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.” -Henry James

Hello readers. It has been a couple months and boy has so much changed. I’m not doing great with my goal to keep up with my blog, am I? Well, there’s always room for improvement. I have attempted to write a couple times but I get stuck. Weird, right? Anyway, I guess it’s a good time to talk about all that has happened in my life. But where to start?

I’ve posted twice in the last 5 months and not filled you guys in on the happenings in Carra’s Life. After all, that is the name of my blog, isn’t it? So let’s go back a couple months, shall we? In April I started up a Twitch and YouTube account and in May I stopped. Sad, I know. I plan to get back into at least Twitch. I also finished another semester of college in May, receiving all passing grades. I’m that much closer to graduation!

At the end of May, I was offered a job at a yoga studio. No, I don’t teach yoga, I had a hard enough time getting up in front of my class last semester for my yoga final. I actually watch children while their parents take the classes offered. Sometimes there are no kids, though, so I tidy up the studio. It’s a really laid back place that I enjoy.

In July I went on a couple dates. The first was no fun at all, it was just super awkward and we barely said a word to each other the whole time. The other was so great, we we out for ice cream and just talked for hours. We go to church together so we already knew each other and we just really hit it off.

Also in July, after my wonderful date actually, I felt my first house-shaking earthquake. Growing up on the west coast, you think I would have felt them all the time but no. For this one, I was home alone with 3 cats and I had my first ever panic attack. That’s when I knew I had strong feelings for this guy. Crazy, right? I know what you’re probably thinking, “she’s just another one of those crazy Mormons.” I actually called him in a panic and he helped calm me down because he could hear how shaken I was. Of course, all 3 cats slept through the whole thing so it couldn’t have been that bad, I suppose. I just kept thinking what I would possibly do in the case of an emergency. Michaela told me if there was an emergency, I would need to shove all the cats in the one cat carrier we have and take the car and get as far as I could. Luckily, there was no emergency and I calmed down enough to go to sleep. California is crazy y’all.

School started back up in August and I’m taking 4 classes, biology, statistics, a support class for statistics, and English. I know, I know, it’s crazy to take math and science in the same semester but I apparently saved my hard classes for the end. I’m so close, I can feel my degrees in my hands.

This month I am celebrating PCOS awareness month and the one year anniversary of when Olivander, my wonderful furry companion, came into my life. I also got my first pair of glasses, so that’s exciting.

I know life will have a lot of changes coming my way soon and I am so ready and so excited.

As always, thank you for stopping by. Comment below with how you all have been doing the last 5 months. What would you like to see on my blog?

“Therapy’s like going to the gym.” -Chris Pine

Hello readers! I hope everyone had a great weekend. This week I want to talk about something many people don’t like you talk about…seeing a therapist or counselor.

As many of you know, I’ve had a pretty, shall we say interesting, life. My childhood wasn’t great, I lost my parental figures, there was abuse at different times, divorce, the list continues. Well, I met with my bishop at church and he said that he thought it would be beneficial for me to see someone.

So, fast forward about two weeks and I finally saw someone and I can’t wait to meet with him again. To be honest, I was nervous. I was in therapy as a kid but I was meeting with a woman, I loved her and still think about her and how much she helped me. I went to therapy a few times before my mission, but I once again saw a woman. I had a psychiatrist in L.A. and I saw a man but he didn’t listen to much of what I said then just prescribed me pills.

All in all, I didn’t have a lot of experience with opening up to a male therapist. This made me a bit nervous. On top of that, I had to take the city bus to where it was and missed it so had to wait extra time which caused me to be late.

The actual session went great, though. He actually listened, asked questions, expressed concerns, and gave me homework. What homework, you ask? He wants me to write out my feeling about the 3 major things I am dealing with in my life, exercise AT LEAST twice a week, and work on my thoughts to shut down the negative ones.

I can tell you first hand, therapy works. I was a pretty messed up kid and my therapist never pushed me but slowly I started changing and being more open and happy as the years went by. I will be the first to admit, I was embarrassed at times when people found out I was going to therapy. It made me seem like a freak because no one else had to go, none of my friends had issues like I did…or at least it seemed that way.

We never know what people are going through. We never know what we will be like at the end of our trials. We also may never be able to open up because of fear. Many people worry about what others think, it’s a huge problem and I think it always has been.

There is such a negative stigma associated with seeing a therapist. If you see someone, you must be crazy, right? No!

“Difficult: needing much effort or skill to accomplish, deal with, or understand.” -Dictionary

This post is, again, late. I’ve gotta tell you, being social media free is harder than I thought. I thought about going total social media free for the entire month long fast but I simply cannot do that. I know, so millennial of me. Did you know Pinterest and YouTube are considered social media? I found out right before starting my fast and I was honestly shocked. I use Pinterest for my child development class and I use YouTube for my English class. So you could understand how hard it has been. I haven’t used them as apps and instead found ways of getting what I needed but still. The rest of the social media fast has been easy. But after tomorrow, I will be returning to Pinterest and YouTube. It will be the 10 days so I don’t feel bad about it. Plus, I use them for school.

“The differences between a tart, a pie and a quiche are a blur.” -Yotam Ottolenghi

A little while back, I was gifted several lemons and had no idea what to do with them. So, rather than let them all go to waste, I took to Pinterest (like any sane person would do, right). Upon my research, I decided I wanted to make mini lemon tarts. Unfortunately, I didn’t know the first thing about making them nor did I have the correct tools. So, we went to Michael’s, bought a mini pie pan, and set to work.

The first thing I did was look up how to make the filing for the, now decidedly, mini pies. I found something on Pinterest that took me to this link. I had never done anything like this so I knew I was in for an adventure. Also, unfortunately, I did not get any pictures of this portion of the baking. I did remember to get some photos later on, though, which you can see in the post. The recipe was pretty easy to follow and it ended up tasting pretty good.

Instead of making pie crust from scratch, I decided to try a boxed mix… because I’ve never made pie before. There’s a first time for everything, right? That’s something I wish I had helped my grandma with because baking pies is something she was really good at. She always made the pies for pretty much every holiday. Now, it’s always store-bought pies and I want to change that.

So, with the curd done and the pie mix together, it was time to roll it out. Not gonna lie, I had to add more than the recommended amount of water to the mix because a little more than two tablespoons did nothing. The 4-year-old helped me roll it out and get it ready to be placed in the mini pie pan. I think she really enjoyed herself, she loves helping in the kitchen.

Once the pie crust was good and flattened, which proved to be a little more difficult than planned, I set it on the pan and made sure it fit in each of the six mini pie holes. We had enough left over curd and pie crust to make a single, weirdly shaped, regular sized pie, also.

The pies cooked in about 15 minutes and they took hours to solidify again. The curd was very watery when heated in the oven so we had to wait what seemed like forever. The bigger pie took less time to solidify and we’re assuming it’s because it had less filling. We could be wrong, though, so who knows. Everyone agreed, though, that the pies were delicious. The 4-year-old couldn’t even keep her hands out of them, as we woke up in the morning and saw that little fingers had been poking several of the pies…which we then had a conversation about. So, all-in-all, it was 4 year old approved. That’s a win, right?

What have you all recently baked? How did it turn out? Let me know in the comments below, maybe we can try it out here! As always, thank you for coming to my blog. I apologize for the late posting, stay tuned for next week’s post! Have a great week.

“Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick.” ―Gwyneth Paltrow

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is my outward appearance. For most of my life, I wore little to no makeup and comfy clothes. But as you get older your fashion tends to change. I have been wanting to buy makeup and learn how to actually apply it. I have been wanting to buy clothes that aren’t just jeans, t-shirts, or yoga pants. Yes, I have a new-found love for joggers but I know there is a time and a place for everything. I wear yoga pants and joggers to school because I have yoga class as my first class of the day and don’t feel the need to change.

Now, I am by no means telling you that you need to dress better or wear makeup to feel like an adult. No way, not at all. Do what you feel comfortable in. I, however, have acne that I want to cover up and I want to just dress overall better than I have in the past.

Unfortunately, acne is something that goes with having PCOS. It may clear up if I had a better diet and exercised regularly but right now I’m not. And I know that makeup can enhance the beauty I already have. I don’t want makeup because I think I’m ugly and want to hide who I am. I just want to enhance my beauty. Also, acne makes me look younger than I am and people tend to treat “younger” child care workers different from older ones.

And for those whose main argument against makeup is that it’s just to hide behind something, no. That’s ridiculous. If you say that women wear makeup to impress boys, yes, some do but most want to wear makeup for themselves. It makes them happy. And don’t forget, makeup used to be for men…so stop shaming people for wearing it.

I’ll get off my soap box for now on that. I just wanted to share my thoughts that I’ve had lately on the matter. Do you wear makeup? What YouTubers do you watch? Share below! As always, thank you for coming to my blog and listening to me ramble.

“But no matter how much evil I see, I think it’s important for everyone to understand that there is much more light than darkness.” ―Robert Uttaro

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month so today I want to kick off the month with this blog post. First, I want to invite everyone to participate in the 30 day challenge that the National Sexual Violence Resource Center has going on Instagram. To enter into the contest, you must have a public profile (unfortunately) so I won’t be considered for any prizes but I’m still going to post each day. For instance, today is April 1, so the prompt for today is “How I gear up for SAAM.” I posted a picture on Instagram of my planner with a single pen because my planner is how get ready for anything. Tomorrow is the day where we are supposed to wear teal, which is the ribbon color for sexual assault. I think it’s great because it’s also the ribbon color for PCOS, so I have more of a reason to celebrate the color teal.

As a survivor of sexual assault, I want to spread the word about SAAM to everyone. They have special frames on Facebook for your profile picture to show your support, if you have Facebook. If you want to learn more information, visit here. Or if you want to donate to the cause, visit here. There is also a big conference in Chicago, IL if that’s more your thing, get info here. Lastly, visit here for resources.

I know this is short but comment below with what you are doing for SAAM this month. Until next time! Thank you for stopping by.

PS: This weekend is General Conference so be sure to tune in to that. Watch the video below for a great “trailer”  for it.

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” -Albert Einstein

This past week was another uneventful one. One thing that happened was I signed a petition for a highly offensive game to be banned on Steam before its release date. What is the game, you ask? It’s called Rape Day, and it’s exactly what you imagine it is. That’s why it needed to be taken down. I don’t know who made the game or why they thought it was a good idea but they should be fired.

In lighter news, I have looked over the classes for fall semester and it is looking like I will have school on Mondays and Wednesdays next semester. It will also be my last semester at a community college and I am looking forward to that. Now I just have to decide if I want to transfer or stay with my Associate degrees. I’ve been thinking a lot about my future lately and I am thinking that being a college counselor would be perfect for me. I have dealt with my fair share of incompetent college counselors starting in high school, all the way up to my current college. The most recent terrible counselor told me that I have been in school to long and that I needed to pick one single degree and focus on that. Even though I don’t need to take ANY extra classes for the degrees I am getting, they ALL over lap. Heck, after this semester, I am done with my major classes.

Thankfully, I have also met with a few knowledgeable counselors who were able to help me. Just last week, I met with one who was able to tell me that the previous counselors I went to were wrong and that they were trying to get me to take extra classes I didn’t need. At this point, I had already taken them so it didn’t matter but I’m still annoyed. Just a FYI, if you are getting both a regular AA or AS plus another degree that is an AA-T or AS-T (that is to say, for transfer), you don’t have to do both general education plans, the CSU transfer general education replaces the regular general education. So, that could save you from taking extra classes like health, P.E, Library science, and stuff like that.

This is why I want to be a college counselor. I have met too many who don’t listen to or care about the students. I want to be like the 3 (out of the handfuls I have seen) and actually be there to help people not waste time and money.

I know in college, I am supposed to figure out what I want to do with my life and I think that I finally have. It took me a bit of time but I think I got it. I can spend some time as a preschool teacher and then get my Bachelor’s degree and Master’s degree while doing that. Then, perhaps I will find a job in as a college counselor.

What are your thoughts? When did you know what you wanted to do with your life? What have been your experiences with college counselors? Leave a comment below, and as always, thank you for visiting my blog.

“In nine lifetimes, you’ll never know as much about your cat as your cat knows about you.” –Michel de Montaigne

This week, I don’t have much to report…which is a good and bad thing I suppose. One fun thing that did occur this week, however, is my cat Olivander turning one year old. I didn’t throw him a party or make him a kitty cake but I did have a mini photo shoot with him. We both had fun and the photos look great. Of course, they are nowhere near professional, but it was worth every second. As you can see in the photo, we used some wand props because he is named after the great Ollivander himself…just a little spelling difference.

Another thing that happened this week was that I finally met with a counselor in college who knows her stuff. It’s a miracle, I know. I am on track on she will hep me fill out all of my paperwork for every degree when it is time. She also will help me see what universities will be accepting spring 2020 admissions so that’s awesome. I was only in her office for about ten minutes and it helped me so much more than any 30-60 minute meeting I’ve had with counselors before. She was on top of everything and had my file all ready for me before I even went into her office. She answered all of my questions and was very straight with me and for that, I am grateful.

Lastly, I just want to say how powerful music can be. I just put all of the music from my external hard drive onto my new laptop and started listening to music I haven’t heard in so long. One of my personal favorites my freshman year of high school is below and I felt all of those feelings and memories come flooding back. Have you every had a moment like that with music? You haven’t heard a song in 10+ years and when you heard it again for the first time, everything comes flooding back. It’s crazy how music can have such and impact on us, for good or bad.

Anyway, I know this was kind of a random catch up with Carra post. I hope you enjoyed it and enjoy the song below. I hope you come back next week for more content. Have a great week and weekend!