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“Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.” ―Mother Teresa

This past week has been a test of my patients. The college I was planning to go back to keeps blocking all ways of progress for my degree and I was at the end of my rope. I didn’t know what else to do, I was ready to just give up. Instead, I prayed. When we take that leap of faith and pray, it will surprise you what answers will come to you. What came to me? Well, I was prompted to no longer pursue that school. If the institution is no longer willing to work with me, there is no reason to give them any more of my money or time.

Screen Shot 2018-04-30 at 10.20.21 AMLet me tell you all, this school is (in my experience) the worst one in California. Ever since I started there in 2011, I have run into issue after issue. Just last year they wanted to charge me for a book they misplaced. To make it worse, they were charging me more than a brand new book would cost. The book you can see here and in the image is the one they lost. The price is about $15 new and they wanted to charge me over $20. They were withholding my transcripts from being sent to Los Angeles Valley College (where I was transferring). Of course, I took matters into my own hands. I went above the whole staff at the college and I contacted the president of the school system. Yes, the president. Some may think, “why would you bother the president with a silly little book. Just pay the fee.” No, it wasn’t my book to pay for. It was not my fault they misplaced it. Once it is back at the library, it is no longer my responsibility. Well, a couple of days later, I received an email directly from him (crazy, right?) saying that he will be contacting the school to fix this problem. The best part? A couple of hours after receiving said email, I got a call from the school saying all holds and charges for the book had been dropped. What a shocker! It couldn’t have had anything to do with the president, could it?

You could imagine how tired I was of fighting this school by now, right? This is just one example of many and I thought that, when I moved to L.A., I would be done with them but I was so very wrong. Life put me in a place where I was going to go back to this awful place that I despised so very much. It’s not the teachers or the curriculum I dislike, though one teacher I had almost caused a fight between groups of students in the class twice due to her curriculum. No, it’s the staff in the admissions and records department. They are supposed to know more than they do but they don’t and they refuse to work with you to find out. I have had to turn to the counseling department for things admissions and records should have helped me with. The last 3 months have been a nightmare working with them because they are so incompetent.

This is why I prayed. I was ready to  just give up all that I had worked for. I was done, I couldn’t take it anymore. But when I prayed, I felt so much peace. I am about an hour away from the college I was going to go back to and there is another college in the town I’m in. I didn’t want to go to this other college because when I transfer to a university, I didn’t want to have to send transcripts from 3 different colleges. I wanted to just send 2 transcripts and be done with it. But sometimes the plan we have is not what is best. I am now preparing to go to this other college and I have discovered I will be able to receive 5 degrees and 3 certificates (Child and Adolescent Development AA-T, Early Childhood Education AS-T, English AA-T, University Studies in Elementary Teaching Preparation AA-T, Child Development AS, Child Development Teacher Certificate of Achievement, Child Development Assistant Skill Certificate, and Child Development Associate Teacher Skill Certificate). You may be thinking that it’s excessive and unnecessary but I honestly don’t have to do anything extra for these degrees. For example, the Early Childhood Education AS-T and the Child Development AS need the exact same courses.

Anyway, I wanted to let you all know that things really are looking up. I may not currently have a job but I am applying like crazy. I have school to keep me busy and friends on my side.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. Keep visiting weekly to learn more about my life and the world around me. If you have every felt frustrated about your school, comment below with how you handled it. I love hearing from you! Until next time, have a great week!

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“Do not read, as children do, to amuse yourself, or like the ambitious, for the purpose of instruction. No, read in order to live.” -Gustave Flaubert

summerreadinglist_istock_34481384_hires_983px          Today I decided that I would share my reading list. I keep adding to it because there are so many good books to read but I figured some of you would benefit from my list. I will put a check next to the ones I’ve read. So, here we go!

  1. ✔️ Spark Joy -Marie Kondo 
  2. ✔️ Daring Greatly -Brené Brown
  3. ✔️ The 5 Love Languages -Gary Chapman
  4. ✔️ The Miracle Morning -Hal Elrod
  5. The Metabolism Plan -Lyn-Genet Recitas
  6. The Latter-Day Morning -Mark Bacera
  7. Overcoming Destructive Anger -Bernard Golden
  8. Claim Your Power -Mastin Kipp
  9. Happiness: A Memoir:  The Crooked Little Road to Semi-Ever After -Heather Harpham
  10. Self-Esteem Bible: Build Your Confidence Day by Day -Gael Lindenfeild
  11. The Modern Girl’s Guide to Life -Jane Buckingham
  12. Your Best Year 2018: Life Edition -Lisa Jacobs
  13. The True INFP -Truity
  14. Rising Strong -Brené Brown
  15. I Thought I Was The Crazy One: 201 way to Identify and Deal with Toxic People -Amorah
  16. ✔️ Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix -JK Rowling
  17. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince -JK Rowling
  18. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -JK Rowling
  19. ✔️ Wild -Cheryl Strayed
  20. Total Me-Tox -Beth Behrs
  21. Odd Birds -Ian Harding
  22. Tales of Beedle the Bard -JK Rowling
  23. What I wish I’d Known When I was 20 -Tina Seelig
  24. Bridget Jones’ Diary -Helen Fielding
  25. Buckland’s Complete Book of Witchcraft -Raymond Buckland
  26. The Time Traveler’s Wife -Audrey Niffenegger
  27. PCOS for Dummies -Gaynor Bussell and Sharon Perkins
  28. Organize Now! -Jennifer Ford Berry
  29. Madly in Love with Me: The daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend -Christine Arylo
  30. My Zero-waste Kitchen: Easy Ways to eat Waste Free -Kate Turner

I added links to each book in case anyone wants to check them out on Amazon. Each book has something to offer, whether it be something to learn or a way to escape reality. I hope you all find your next read from this list! Let me know if you’ve read any of these books and how you liked (or disliked) them.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. Keep coming back for more! Don’t forget, you can subscribe by email and a notification will come straight to your inbox when I post something new.

“Do not be afraid to ask for help. Nobody gets through college on their own.” -Michelle Obama

downloadCollege in and of itself is stressful, everyone knows that. Between homework, tests, reading, and your outside life there is so much to do. There are also many outside factors that could push back your estimated completion date. It’s a bummer when life gets in the way of what you want to do but it happens and there may be nothing you can do about it.

I started college in fall of 2011 at a community college and my life took a turn that I had not expected. The guy I had been in love with since I was 17 chose another woman over me. This caused my math grade to suffer and I failed the course. In spring of 2012 I moved out on my own and started volunteering more and started focusing less on my education, like not doing all of my homework. I failed my math class a second time, my astronomy class, and political science.

280px-Chevrolet_Metro_sedanFall of 2012 was definitely the worst semester of all, however. I enrolled in 2 English courses, history, tennis (because PE is required), photography, and child development. In this semester I started getting a fever almost every other week starting the second week of school. The doctors didn’t know what issue was so it was never addressed. I was also in 2 car accidents, neither being the fault of my own. The day after my second accident, that basically totalled my Geo Metro LSi, my aunt and uncle moved out-of-state. Next, my long-term boyfriend and I broke up, I was sexually assaulted by my neighbor, and I moved into Hector’s parent’s house. Due to all of this, I stopped going to school and failed all of my classes. It was also at this time that I decided to go on a mission.

My mission resulted in me taking 2 years off of school, which is what I thought I needed. When I returned, I started taking 2 classes each semester. I was doing wonderfully there for a bit. But then in 2016, Hector and I moved to L.A. and I had to transfer. This pushed my education back further. I was actually scheduled to be done this semester but I, again, dropped all of my classes and I left to Missouri for a month to clear my head. This my graduation date being pushed again. I went back to L.A. because I knew I wanted to finish my degrees but I was once again sexually assaulted at my place of residence by a neighbor and I had no choice but to move.

I am now enrolled in my third community college and I believe that if I stick with it, I will completely done next spring semester. It took a long time but I’m getting there. It will be a joyous occasion that you will all hear about (hopefully next year). Next stop? Bachelor’s degree!

Thank you all for visiting my blog, as always. I hope you enjoy your view of my thoughts. If you have any comments, concerns, or questions please post them below.

“This is who I am. I’m not perfect. I don’t want to try to be perfect.” -Michael Strahan

Sometimes things happen when you least expect them to. Like winning a drawing, finding a lucky penny on the ground, or your friend getting a divorce. Life is crazy sometimes. And I’m sure that you all know that. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading my blog.

Why do I bring this up? Because I am finally bringing everyone up to date on my life. This post will probably leave you with many questions but it will also answer many of the questions you are currently too afraid to ask.

judgeI’ve decided that I am done hiding from people’s’ judgement. I’m done pretending to be someone I’m not. I’m done lying to everyone I know just so I can make them happy. So, here it all goes. And please, hold your judgement until the end. I know I’m not the best person in the world and I don’t need to blast my entire life on the internet but I feel like my family and friends deserve to know. This will be a very long post so sit tight, maybe make some popcorn or whatever your go-to snack is.

In 2010 (yes, a back story is vital) I came home from summer camp and had a message from my dad. He asked if I had ever talked to my brothers and sister (Mark, Shawn, Kevin, Janelle, and Ryan). After living in Fresno for the better part of 10 years, he asks if I had ever hung out with them. He had never once in my 18 years told me that they were only a few short miles away from where I had grown up. So I did what any sane person in the 21st century would do and I looked them up on Facebook. I only found one of them, my brother Kevin. He’s a really awesome guy. We began talking and set a date to meet. He convinced our sister, Janelle, to also meet me.

Janelle h 2So, one sunday after church, Kevin picked me up and took me to his house. His wife and son were there and eager to meet me. We hung out for a bit until my sister and her boyfriend finally showed up and we began playing a board game until it was time for me to go home. For a few years, I had only met the two of them. My other 3 brothers were not as ready to meet in person, I guess. To this day, I still haven’t met Ryan or Mark.

janelle hAnyway, in the spring of 2012 I was taking a particularly difficult class. I needed help with it and My sister’s boyfriend offered to tutor me. We met up like once but I felt uncomfortable so I didn’t let him tutor me anymore.

Fall semester of 2012 comes around, I had just gotten out of a 6 month relationship. It was October and my favorite holiday was right around the corner. I posted on Facebook that I had nothing to do on Halloween and how I was really bummed because it was my favorite. Well, my sister’s boyfriend sent me a message offering to take me to a haunted house. If you know me, I love haunted houses. So I excitedly agreed. I then found out that he was no longer my sister’s boyfriend….and we hung out that night and he kissed me. I let him because I missed being close with a male. My previous relationship was great and I was the one who screwed things up. And Kissing this guy, my sister’s ex boyfriend, ruined things even farther. My ex was willing to forgive me but then when I told him I went out with someone else, it was all over. Two days later, I was in a hotel room with this man.

hector.jpgThis man’s name is Hector. Shocker, I know. We didn’t actually decide to be a couple until after Thanksgiving. And then at the beginning of December, I stayed with him because I was sexually assaulted in my apartment complex and no longer felt safe there. Then at the beginning of January I went back to stay with my family. I didn’t want anyone to meet Hector. I was ashamed because he was so much older and he was awkward. I didn’t want people to know we were dating. Then at the beginning of March, I went on a mission for my church.

Halfway through my mission, I sent him a letter saying I didn’t want to be with him. It wasn’t right and I felt strongly that it needed to end. I then started talked to an elder who was serving his mission on the opposite side of the country. He was my dream guy. Until things started to turn sexual.

I got home in September of 2014. I saw Hector two weeks later. I stayed the night at his house and I knew I shouldn’t have. And I panicked and demanded that we get married. Two months later I was living with him.

I married him for selfish reasons. Of course I loved him. But I loved him for selfish reasons. And it took me a long time to realize that. I hurt him too many times since we;ve been married and I know that he blames himself but it really is more on me.

Almost 3 years after being married, we’re getting a divorce. I know that it seems sudden and like it was totally out of the blue. But it wasn’t. We started having issues that we couldn’t work through long ago. And it really is better for the both of us if we aren’t together anymore. We will be much happier and at peace this way.

I know that you have a million questions. Like what did I do to hurt him? Why was I so selfish? Where are we going in life now? What is next in my life? There are many things that I cannot put into words here. But I want you all to know the truth because I think you deserve to know that we are no longer together as well as a little bit behind it.

meI know that I was selfish. And I’m working on that. I’m working on myself. I’m sorry to Hector’s friends and family who may read this. I’m sorry to those who I let down. I’m sorry, but I’m also not sorry. We all do things we aren’t proud of. I just keep doing it. You may not be happy about it but I am who I am and I can’t change the past. I can only decide not to continue on the same path I was on. Like it or not, this is who I am. I’m a college student who failed out of school and decided to try again. I smoked cigarettes when I was 5 years old but vowed I would never touch anything like that again. I hurt people I loved very dearly and I never want to hurt anyone that way again. I am an almost 26-year-old soon-to-be divorcee but I won’t let that stop me from finding true love. I am homeless and broke but I have friends who hold me up when I am broken so I know things will be ok. I’m ok. Even if I’m not ok now, I will be. Because I know that my life is what I make of it. And if you are religious, you need to watch the following videos.

As always, thank you for coming to my blog. I hope this answered your questions. I still love my readers and I hope you come back to read about the goings on in my life. Until then, have a wonderful week. And if you have anything you’d like to say, comment below.

 

“Distance not only gives nostalgia, but perspective, and maybe objectivity.” -Robert Morgan

Here is another throwback video post. I grew up watching some of these and I loved them. It was also saught after so, here you are! What was your favorite?

I hope that this brought back as many memories for you as it did for me. As always, thank you for visiting and I hope you have a great day!

“Whether you’re reaching for one of your favorite cookbooks or just winging it, do your best to keep a well-stocked arsenal of healthy ingredients at your disposal. At the very least, you’ll always be ready to whip up a green juice or smoothie.” -Kris Carr

Breakfast smoothie day 6 ♥♥♥♥♥♥

1 8oz carton almond milk

1/2 cup greek yogurt

pinch of turmeric

1 green apple, cored and cut

1 carrot, peeled and cut

1/2 a carton of blueberries

1 handful pineapple

1 Tbsp chia seeds

1 packet coconut oil

Add liquids and yogurt to blender. Next, add fruits, veggies, turmeric, and chia seeds. Blend well. Add coconut oil. Finish blending. Serve and Enjoy.

 

Today I just decided to add whatever I felt like together so there’s no specific recipe I took inspiration from. I must say, it came out very good so I am pleased. What would you change to this recipe? Let me know if you decide to try it.