Hello all! Today I wanted to post about something that has been on my mind but dont know where or even how to start. 2020 didn’t start out the way I was hoping it would. I had already decided back in December that 2020 would be the year of changes in my life but i was thinking that because I’m graduating college, getting married, and moving away. But apparently, there are more changes coming my way and they won’t all be easy.
I’ve spent many nights thinking about one of the bigger and more painful changes coming in my life. Letting go of people, even if they mean the world to you, is never easy. But sometimes it’s the best thing to do.
I actually had an epiphany the other day while talking to my friend. As many of you know, I was married before. With my last marriage, I actually lost a friend because she couldn’t be accepting of my life choices. She was my closest friend and now we hardly ever speak. And when we do, it’s brief. This time, I am preparing to get married and I am faced with a similar incident. Different person, similar story. But I know it is more about what they having going on in their life but their words have become harsher the closer I get to being married. It’s at the point where they are no longer supportive and it hurts. I am actually now afraid to be myself around this person and it kills me because we were fine up until this year.
A year of change, a year of new things, a year where I get to be me. I’m getting married in the temple to an amazing guy who love me and I love him. No one can take that from me, no matter how against it they are.
Yes, I understand people who say “it’s too soon” but I have prayed about it and know that it’s right. I dont have to date someone for 1, 2, 4, or 10 years to know that I want to marry them. If God tells me that’s who I should marry then I will do it. He’s an amazing guy and it pains me that people who like him and know I’m happy, cant just be happy for me.
Why is society to the point where friends cant even be happy for friends without trying to tear them down? Why cant friends rejoice in our happiness?
I know I’m rambling, I’m just hurt and I have been treated worse and worse for the last year by the same person. A person who makes me feel so betrayed. But, on the positive side of things, we dont stay in the valleys forever. Things do get better and I know that it will. I may have to let go of people near and dear to me but sometimes to heal you have to hurt.
Thank you for coming to hear me complain. I hope no one ever has to go through this and if you do, I am here dor you.
Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.