Category Archives: My life

“Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick.” ―Gwyneth Paltrow

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is my outward appearance. For most of my life, I wore little to no makeup, and comfy clothes. But as you get older your fashion tends to change. I have been wanting to buy makeup and learn how to actually apply it. I have been wanting to buy clothes that aren’t just jeans, t-shirts, or yoga pants. Yes, I have a new-found love for joggers but I know there is a time and a place for everything. I wear yoga pants and joggers to school because I have yoga class as my first class of the day and don’t feel the need to change.

Now, I am by no means telling you that you need to dress better or wear makeup to feel like an adult. No way. Do what you feel comfortable in. I, however, have acne that I want to cover up and I want to just dress overall better than I have in the past.

Unfortunately, acne is something that goes with having PCOS. It may clear up if I had a better diet and exercised regularly but right now I’m not. And I know that makeup can enhance the beauty I already have. I don’t want makeup because I think I’m ugly and want to hide who I am. I just want to enhance my beauty. Also, acne makes me look younger than I am and people tend to treat “younger” child care workers different from older ones.

And for those whose main argument  against makeup is that it’s just to hide behind something, no. That’s ridiculous. If you say that women wear makeup to impress boys, yes, some do but most want to wear makeup for themselves. It makes them happy. And don’t forget, makeup used to be for men…so stop shaming people for wearing it.

I’ll get off my soap box for now on that. I just wanted to share my thoughts that I’ve had lately on the matter. Do you wear makeup? What YouTubers do you watch? Share below! As always, thank you for coming to my blog and listening to me ramble.

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“But no matter how much evil I see, I think it’s important for everyone to understand that there is much more light than darkness.” ―Robert Uttaro

30 days of saamApril is Sexual Assault Awareness Month so today I want to kick off the month with this blog post. First, I want to invite everyone to participate in the 30 day challenge that the National Sexual Violence Resource Center has going on Instagram. To enter into the contest, you must have a public profile (unfortunately) so I won’t be considered for any prizes but I’m still going to post each day. For instance, today is April 1, so the prompt for today is “How I gear up for SAAM.” I posted a picture on Instagram of my planner with a single pen because my planner is how get ready for anything. Tomorrow is the day where we are supposed to wear teal, which is the ribbon color for sexual assault. I think it’s great because it’s also the ribbon color for PCOS, so I have more of a reason to celebrate the color teal.

SAAM19-FB2_0As a survivor of sexual assault, I want to spread the word about SAAM to everyone. They have special frames on Facebook for your profile picture to show your support, if you have Facebook. If you want to learn more information, visit here. Or if you want to donate to the cause, visit here. There is also a big conference in Chicago, IL if that’s more your thing, get info here. Lastly, visit here for resources.

I know this is short but comment below with what you are doing for SAAM this month. Until next time! Thank you for stopping by.

PS: This weekend is General Conference so be sure to tune in to that. Watch the video below for a great “trailer”  for it.

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” -Albert Einstein

This past week was another uneventful one. One thing that happened was I signed a petition for a highly offensive game to be banned on Steam before its release date. What is the game, you ask? It’s called Rape Day, and it’s exactly what you imagine it is. That’s why it needed to be taken down. I don’t know who made the game or why they thought it was a good idea but they should be fired.

In lighter news, I have looked over the classes for fall semester and it is looking like I will have school on Mondays and Wednesdays next semester. It will also be my last semester at a community college and I am looking forward to that. Now I just have to decide if I want to transfer or stay with my Associate degrees. I’ve been thinking a lot about my future lately and I am thinking that being a college counselor would be perfect for me. I have dealt with my fair share of incompetent college counselors starting in high school, all the way up to my current college. The most recent terrible counselor told me that I have been in school to long and that I needed to pick one single degree and focus on that. Even though I don’t need to take ANY extra classes for the degrees I am getting, they ALL over lap. Heck, after this semester, I am done with my major classes.

Thankfully, I have also met with a few knowledgeable counselors who were able to help me. Just last week, I met with one who was able to tell me that the previous counselors I went to were wrong and that they were trying to get me to take extra classes I didn’t need. At this point, I had already taken them so it didn’t matter but I’m still annoyed. Just a FYI, if you are getting both a regular AA or AS plus another degree that is an AA-T or AS-T (that is to say, for transfer), you don’t have to do both general education plans, the CSU transfer general education replaces the regular general education. So, that could save you from taking extra classes like health, P.E, Library science, and stuff like that.

This is why I want to be a college counselor. I have met too many who don’t listen to or care about the students. I want to be like the 3 (out of the handfuls I have seen) and actually be there to help people not waste time and money.

I know in college, I am supposed to figure out what I want to do with my life and I think that I finally have. It took me a bit of time but I think I got it. I can spend some time as a preschool teacher and then get my Bachelor’s degree and Master’s degree while doing that. Then, perhaps I will find a job in as a college counselor.

What are your thoughts? When did you know what you wanted to do with your life? What have been your experiences with college counselors? Leave a comment below, and as always, thank you for visiting my blog.

“In nine lifetimes, you’ll never know as much about your cat as your cat knows about you.” –Michel de Montaigne

53294689_365469507620410_5291858716121890816_nThis week, I don’t have much to report…which is a good and bad thing I suppose. One fun thing that did occur this week, however, is my cat Olivander turning one year old. I didn’t throw him a party or make him a kitty cake but I did have a mini photo shoot with him. We both had fun and the photos look great. Of course, they are nowhere near professional, but it was worth every second. As you can see in the photo, we used some wand props because he is named after the great Ollivander himself…just a little spelling difference.

Another thing that happened this week was that I finally met with a counselor in college who knows her stuff. It’s a miracle, I know. I am on track on she will hep me fill out all of my paperwork for every degree when it is time. She also will help me see what universities will be accepting spring 2020 admissions so that’s awesome. I was only in her office for about ten minutes and it helped me so much more than any 30-60 minute meeting I’ve had with counselors before. She was on top of everything and had my file all ready for me before I even went into her office. She answered all of my questions and was very straight with me and for that, I am grateful.

53327487_326011561373125_6186254980857462784_nLastly, I just want to say how powerful music can be. I just put all of the music from my external hard drive onto my new laptop and started listening to music I haven’t heard in so long. One of my personal favorites my freshman year of high school is below and I felt all of those feelings and memories come flooding back. Have you every had a moment like that with music? You haven’t heard a song in 10+ years and when you heard it again for the first time, everything comes flooding back. It’s crazy how music can have such and impact on us, for good or bad.

Anyway, I know this was kind of a random catch up with Carra post. I hope you enjoyed it and enjoy the song below. I hope you come back next week for more content. Have a great week and weekend!

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past but you sure do change the future.” -Bernard Meltzer

Hello everyone. I hope you are all doing well. I was up late last night, as insomnia is a part of PCOS, and I was doing some thinking. Of course, when you’re lost in thought, one thing leads to another and your mind has wandered to a place you didn’t expect. That’s what this blog post is about.

I’ve blogged about different points on my 30 before 30 list several times and I want to revisit one I’ve talked about before, number 12: Forgive people who hurt me. Why do I want to revisit this one? Well, sometime while I was lost in thought, a specific person came to mind and I realized, I am ready to forgive him. For the sake of privacy, we shall call him D. He was my first love, the one I swore I would be with forever. I met him when I was 16, when I lived in Missouri and we dated for about six months and he was there for me during the darkest time of my life. We broke up because I had to move away and it was hard for both of us. We loved each other but we didn’t know what would happen with having 3,000 miles between us. We both went through a lot of change, dated different people, then in 2011 we had the opportunity to reunite. It didn’t go the way I had always envisioned. Two weeks later he got married. I won’t bore you with the woes of that day I found out because they don’t matter anymore. I will say, the best thing to come of that was a one-on-one lunch and movie with my Uncle Dirk.

Anyway, as I lay awake thinking about him and the feeling of forgiveness, an idea popped into my head and I honestly debated it a lot. But here it goes, a letter to D, from me. Will he ever read it? I don’t know, he doesn’t need to. It’s more for myself than for him. If you want to stop reading here, I will understand. I’m glad you came to my blog and I hope you continue coming back. If you’d like to read this letter, here it is:

Dear D,

I want to start this letter by saying thank you. Because of you, I learned a lot about myself, about the world, about pain and joy, and about letting go of it all. I have thought about you a lot in the last decade, though it’s less and less as time passes.

I’m happy for you and your life. Your two little girls are adorable and your wife is a beautiful mother. To be honest, it may take longer to forgive her but I am glad for what I went through with her. All the harsh words, the pain, everything helped me let you go.

I hope you are safe in your position in the military. I hope your daughters grow up knowing they have a very strong and wonderful dad. I hope they look up to you and know that you will protect them no matter what.

There was a time when I was jealous. I wanted to be here. I wanted to be the one to be yours forever. But I now know what we had was not forever. You were a branch, not a root. You were in my life when I needed you the most, you were there crying with me in the hospital as I prepared to say goodbye to my grandma. You were there, listening to me sob as I told you ever pain I had during that dark time. And for that I am grateful. You were the rock I needed. And I’m so glad you are able to that rock for your family.

I wish nothing but happiness and health in your life. It may have taken me years to get to this point but I honestly do. I hope you are doing well and that, if you ever read this, you know that it comes from my heart.

Thank you D, for being the first love and the first heartbreak I needed. I’m glad you were a part of my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything. You helped make me who I am today.

Sincerely,

Carra

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” –Buddha

Sorry this is two days late but better late than never, right? Today I want to talk about having confidence because I feel that it goes well with my 30 before 30 number three which is to love myself again.

First off, I want to be honest, I don’t think I ever truly loved myself. I’ve loved aspects of me at different times but never really looked at myself and though “I love me.” And that is a problem. I also know I’m not alone in that feeling. We are conditioned from a young age that of we don’t look, act, or sound a certain way, we aren’t good. So, our self confidence depletes and there’s nothing there to love.

When I was in third grade, I remember hating my middle name. I have no idea why but I did. Fast forward to high school, I never liked my eyes because they weren’t the blue color I had longed for my whole life. Fast forward to post high school, I gained weight and had acne and saw myself as ugly.

Now, I love my middle name because it’s unique. I love my eyes because they are beautiful, and as a bonus, they change colors sometimes (yay hazel eyes) so I occasionally they appear blue. I’m still struggling to love the way I look, though, even at 27 years old.

However, I am learning to accept me and the way I look and I think that is the first step. I’m also making steps to change some of it.

Unfortunately, with PCOS, it is a little more difficult to lose weight or get rid of acne but it will happen. I try going to the gym regularly with Zack and I’m really enjoying yoga and will continue on when the class is over.

My next objective to loving myself? Take care of myself and the environment around me. If I do that, my body will thank me and show me love in return. This will making me loving myself almost automatic.

I know other people struggle with this so please know you’re not alone. Comment below with ways you have found to boost confidence and love yourself.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. I hope you continue stopping by. Have a great week and weekend!

“An apology might help, but you can change your life without one.” -Robin Quivers

I apologize profusely for not posting thus far in 2019. Ironic how it’s one of my goals, isn’t it. Anyway, I don’t have much time to post today but let me tell you a few things about 2019 so far.

  1. This semester is already hard. I had to drop a course, I recommend not taking more than one English class at a time.
  2.  I finished counseling, the counselor felt I was doing better and we came to an agreement that if I need it in the future, I will make an appointment.
  3. I got a new laptop. I sold my old MacBook then was able to buy a nice Acer from BestBuy.
  4. I had a great birthday weekend this past weekend.
  5. We rearranged pretty much the whole house this weekend and I am not in a bigger, brighter room looking out into the backyard.
  6. I am happy with this year, though not much else has changed.

I want to hear how your 2019 is going, one month in. Let me know in the comments bellow. As always, thank you for visiting my blog and I hope you find great content here.

“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, ‘It will be happier.'” -Alfred Lord Tennyson

Snapchat-1311408993Hello everyone! I hope you all had a great Christmas. I for one had a rollercoaster of a day. The morning was great and I’m super excited about the new mouse and mousepad I received because my 12 year old mouse I got with my first computer had died finally. The bad part? I accidentally locked myself in the garage. I have spent a few weeks alone in the house because Michaela and her family went to Florida for the holidays and on Christmas night, I went out to the freezer to see what I wanted to eat for dinner. Well, apparently the door wasn’t unlocked all the way and when I shut it behind me, I locked myself in. It’s a long story but thankfully I was in there for less than two hours. Zack was able to get the neighbors help to cut the chain off the front door and come into the house and let me out of the garage. So, crisis averted, no living in the freezing garage for two weeks.

This post isn’t about the horrors of the holidays, though. It is yet another post about setting goals. As I was looking over things that I want to improve I saw an overall theme: ME. I want to work on me; physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, spiritually, socially…literally every way possible. So, here is what I’m thinking:

  1. Physically:
    a) Start yoga -I’m taking yoga to fulfill the PE requirement for my AA-
    b) Go to the gym -Zack has a membership for a gym and can take one person with him-
    c) Drink more water -or water in general-
    d) Try my hardest to cut out gluten
  2. Emotionally:
    a) Write in a journal
    b) Look at the positives when I get really down
    c) Listen to uplifting music
  3. Mentally:
    a) I’m seeing a personal counselor through the church so I want to continue meeting with him
    b) Continue growing by reading -my goal is to read 7 books-
    c) Finish community college -finally-
    d) Keep up with my blog -maybe I can do better than I did this year-
    e) Write my book -I need to just do it-
  4. Financially:
    a) Sell my wedding dress FINALLY -I’ve been trying to sell it for a year and I’ve added a slideshow of it below- 
    b) Get a job -this will happen this year-
    c) Create a savings plan
  5. Spiritually:
    a) Read the Book of Mormon again
    b) Read the Bible through for the first time
    c) Go to all church activities I am capable of going to
    d) Get into family history more
  6. Socially:
    a) Find free activities to do with friends
    b) Take a few trips with friends and/or family -go white water rafting and hiking, specifically-
    c) Host a family reunion -this is happening in June, whether people come or not-
    d) Visit family in Idaho

Yes, I am aware that this is a long list but if you stop and really look at it, it’s very doable. I didn’t make unattainable goals like travel the world, get married, or have my own house because realistically that won’t happen. But I do have the ability to take care of my needs. As this is my last post of 2018, I wish you all a happy and safe New Year! Comment below on ways to help me sell this dress, I honestly want it out of my closet already.

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“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” -Tony Robbins

Yes, I know I haven’t posted in three weeks and I apologize. It was a rough semester and finals hit me harder than any semester I’ve had thus far. Let’s hope it’s the hardest semester I ever have, honestly. I also am aware that I am posting this on a Tuesday rather than a Monday because yesterday I was babysitting and then cleaning house. 

Based on the title, I’m sure you can all guess what I am going to write about. Yep, you guessed it, goals. But what kind of goals? My game plan for making my goals for 2019. I actually posted something on my Instagram recently that moved me to write this post and there will be a part two closer to the end of the year.

So, with that, I want to share how I decide on goals. In order to do this, I did my usual Level 10 Life page for my bullet journal. If you don’t know what  Level 10 Life is, it’s from Hal Elrod’s book Miracle Morning, which I recommend reading to anyone and everyone because it will help you so much. To tell you a little bit about it, we split our lives into 10 categories and rate where we think we are in those categories; physical environment, family and friends, personal growth and development, spirituality, finances, career (or school), significant other/romance (or personal relationships in general), fun and recreation, contribution/giving, and health/fitness. I like to pray before I do it but that’s me, it’s not required or even brought up in the book.

Not only did I evaluate myself, I also looked at my 30 before 30 list to see what I see could be done in the next year. This year, I was able to check off a few and it felt so good. I have 3 more years to get it all done and I know it’s doable if I actually set goals to achieve each item on the list. You’re supposed to break bigger goals down into smaller ones anyway, right?

Anyway, I hope this helps you. I would honestly encourage you to evaluate your life with the  Level 10 Life before the end of the year and make your new year’s resolutions based on your results. Let me know in the comments you category you need most help on and I just might do a blog post on it.

As always, thank you for visiting and I hope you return! Have an excellent week! 

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” -Zig Ziglar

Everyone has goals, whether it’s something as simple as getting out of bed today or as big as visiting every country in the world. I am no exception to this and I’m sure you all know this. I have discussed my 30 before 30 list with you a few times so obviously I have goals. But why? Why do I have goals? Why did I create my 30 before 30 list? How did I come up with each of the 30 things?

I took to the internet to ask why we, as people, make goals. According to a Code of Living article, there are five reasons we make goals; they give us focus, allow us to measure progress, keep us undistracted, help us overcome procrastination, and give us motivation. Who wouldn’t want all of that? Though, I don’t know if having my goals keep me from procrastinating because I have several goals, big and small, and still procrastinate.

There is no answer on Google as to why I created my 30 before 30 list. I knew I wanted to put all of my goals in one place and I thought about ways I could do that. I had seen the typical bucket list but didn’t want to just do that. One day while scrolling through my bullet journaling groups and I stumbled upon a similar list. I was looking for bullet journal ideas and loved the idea. I started one for my 25th birthday. I was able to check off 15 of the 25 and decided to make a list for 26 before 26. I only managed to check off 8 on that list but decided to change it to a 30 before 30 list before my 26th birthday even rolled around. If you think about it, I’ve done 23 things that I’ve wanted to do in about a year, plus the 7 I’ve completed on my 30 before 30 list now. I’ll discuss below what those things are.

How did I come up with my 30 before 30 list? It took a few hours, it wasn’t something I did half-heartedly. I was very serious about it, I prayed about what I should put and really pondered for a long time. I wanted each item to reflect the person I wanted to be when I turned 30 rather than just a bunch of stuff that I thought was cute or fun or even easy. Some of the things on my list are harder than others, some may not even be fully accomplished and I understand that. Some things, like finding God again, were very personal and took a lot for me to actually write it out on paper.

I would encourage everyone to create their own ___ before ___ list. It doesn’t matter if you’re 15 or 95, there is something you want to accomplish. I’ve even seen people do 19 before ’19 list (meaning 19 things to do before 2019). Just like bullet journaling, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Just do it!

Now, for my list of things I’ve completed;

  1. Learn to bake bread rolls
  2. Take more pictures
  3. Try something new with my hair
  4. Try  new makeup styles 
  5. Get rid of stuff I don’t need
  6. Go to bed earlier for a week
  7. Do something I’d never do
  8. Visit a random town in California
  9. Watch an older movie
  10. Find a form of exercise I enjoy
  11. Find a style that works for me and continue to add to it
  12. Buy and wear heels
  13. Send a letter to my old house
  14. Start a better relationship with my parents
  15. Do something for my in-laws
  16. Finish a 5K
  17. Get my food handlers card
  18. Go whale watching
  19. Make friends in L.A.
  20. Go on a girls-only trip
  21. Get a job I enjoy
  22. Do something that scares me
  23. Reach 200 members in Bullet Journaling California
  24. Do something that absolutely terrifies me
  25. Let love happen
  26. Get a cat or dog
  27. Find God again
  28. Learn some sign language
  29. Get in touch with old friends
  30. Follow Marie Kondo’s rules for tidying up

As always, thank you for visiting my blog and I hope this week is great for you. If you have done a list similar to this or want to share your goals and how or why you created them, comment below. Keep coming back for more like this.