Category Archives: My life

“I urge you to be peace makers. To love peace, to seek peace, to cherish peace, to create peace.” -Jeffrey R. Holland

So as many of you know, this past weekend was General Conference. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a meeting world-wide twice a year. Every member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and their friends and family gather to hear the current president of the church (and present day prophet) speak to us. If you didn’t get a chance to watch it, or missed some of it, I’ll provide links to it below.

5bb962ca2515c.imageDuring the General Women’s Conference, Saturday evening of Conference for women and girls ages 8 and up, we were urged to do something that I had been trying to do. We were urged to do a 10 day social media fast. I felt like so many of us need that, we rely so heavily on social media and for some of us, it takes over our lives. So, I decided to go a step further and do a whole month of no social media. I will still be posting on my blog every week but I will not be actively going to other blogs, logging onto my social media, or even using Facebook messenger.

Why have I chosen to extend it to an entire month? Well, as some of you know, I am currently enrolled in 5 college courses, looking for a job, and trying to maintain my spiritual life. I feel like I have let social media fall in the way of most of that though and I think it would be a really good thing to step away for a bit.

I may check in and let you know how I’m feeling about it and what changes I’ve noticed. I will say that so far it’s hard. Typically I waste time when I should be doing homework or other things so I found myself wanting to go on Facebook and Instagram all day yesterday. Thankfully I uninstalled them on my phone so there’s no temptation there. I also logged out of them on my computer so here’s to a month of social media freedom.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. I would encourage you to go on a social media fast, even if it is just for a week. You may notice how dependent you are on it and find better things to do with your time. Good luck and I hope to hear about your experiences. Have a great week.

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“Like all pure creatures, cats are practical.” -William S. Burroughs

I apologize for not posting last week, a lot has happened. This isn’t a post about PCOS this week, though I know that it is still September. Instead, it’s about why there was nothing written last week.

oliLast Monday, on my way home from school, I found a cat in the bushes. He was very friendly so I took him home and took pictures of him to post on Facebook. Turns out, he was an abandoned cat. A nearby woman had been giving him food but was unable to keep him due to her husband being allergic. So, meet Olivander; a fun, cuddly 4 month old kitten.

In just one week he has had so many changes in his life. He was living outside for who knows how long and now lives in a house. He got fixed on Friday and has had an infection that we are giving him medicine for. I’d say his life is pretty great right now. As is mine, I always loved cats and I’m so happy to have my own. I’ve never cared for a cat on my own before so this will be a new adventure.

I also signed him up for a photo contest because he is an adorable cat. Please vote here to show your support. You can vote every 10 minutes, 10 times per day (unless you wanna pay). We are currently at 14 votes and we want to be in the top ten. Thank you for your votes!

As always, I hope you enjoyed my random post. There will probably be more about Olivander on my blog, since he is my new baby. Check back weekly for posts like this and more. Have a great week!

“Looking back, the biggest mistake I made was feeling ashamed of it. Acne is a part of life. You don’t need to be embarrassed of it.” -Cameron Dallas

The more I learn about PCOS the more I realize everything is connected. I love that I have answers to questions I’ve been asking for years. It doesn’t make me dislike my symptoms any less, though.

If you’ve ever been bullied, you understand where I’m coming from. You hate to be so different from everyone for fear of it happening again. Of course, I try to focus on what makes me happy and not what others think but it’s hard.

Having acne like I do at 26 is no fun. But what am I doing about it? Nothing. I wash my face every once in a while but not like I should. That’s what I want to talk about today, personal hygiene and PCOS.

There are so many articles out about what to use and what to avoid and it seems like they all contradict the other. One says to use something with peroxide while the other says to avoid it at all costs. Then there’s the research done on them that only makes it more confusing because the research constantly changes.

I was told in high school that eating carrots will clear acne right up. Is there research one it? You bet! Is it all accurate? Probably not. Another person said she was told to put toothpaste on every blemish. Now this one most people agree is not good for you. It’s harmful and they suggest trying something else.

Then you look at the face washes in the world and they all claim to be the best. For instance, Pro Active is suppose to be this miracle worker but it cause my cousin to break out worse. Then there’s the people that say if you’re not spending a lot of skin care, you’re just getting water and chemicals that won’t do anything.

Well, I’m right in the confusion with you. I have decided that I need to start trying to wash my face the right way. If I want to make my acne go away, I gotta try all I can right? We all have to start somewhere and for me, I’d like to start with the Cera Ve brand. It’s supposed to be dermatologist recommended so why not start there? I will probably get it this week and try it for a couple months and report back.

I know this was kind of all over the place, it’s just part of PCOS. If you struggle with acne, tell us below what helps you.

“In your name, the family name is at last because it’s the family name that lasts.” ― Amit Kalantri

I apologize for being a little later today. I hope everyone is enjoying their Labor Day.

Today I wanted to talk about something that I was actually doing last night. Have you ever looked into your family tree? Have you ever wondered if you were related to your friends or famous people? Well, I have. And thankfully there’s a place to check that out. Visit the website here.

Relative Finder has helped me find out some really cool things about my family. For example, I grew up being told by my dad that I am part Native American. But I look at myself and don’t see it. Plus, he has no evidence to back this claim. I never really believed him, and had good reason not to given previous history. Well, fast forward to last night and I decide to hop onto Relative Finder to see if any more of my friends would like to see if we’re related. Of course, no one had done it other than the two people who did it a couple of years ago.

I continue to look around the site and decide to look at my relatives. There is an option to see direct relatives or all (like cousins, aunts, and uncles) so I decide to click direct. Low and behold, there is was! My dad hadn’t just made up some story. I am related to the one and only Pocahontas. The real person the Disney movie is based on! She is my 13th great-grandmother. Needless to say, I am ecstatic and decide to keep looking.

Of course, I could go on forever listing all the cool people I am related to but I won’t. I will encourage you all to check out the website though. Of course, this will only work if you have a Family Search account, so you should make one and start adding to your family tree. And no, you don’t have to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in order to create a free account, it’s free for everyone.

Let me know in the comments who you’re related to. And if you want to join the group I made specifically for you guys, search for Carra’s Blog Followers and the password is blog or join with the link here.

As always, thank you for stopping by. I hope to see you all next week and I hope to have my blog out at a normal time. Again, I apologize that this blog is so late.

“Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.” -Dr. Meredith Grey

pcosWith the month of September right around the corner, I wanted to post about something important to me. I’ve posted about it a couple of times before, and that’s PCOS. You can read those posts here and here.

For those who don’t know what it is or want to learn more about it, I will be making weekly posts about it. September is PCOS Awareness Month and I think what better way to bring awareness is through my blog?

This week I want to share about when I found out. I haven’t shared much about my thoughts and feelings on that day and why not kick it off with that?

It was last year, around this time actually. I was going in for a checkup to see what I could do about my acne because I was 25 and tired of it, I looked like a teenager and didn’t want to anymore. I went into the office, fully expecting her to look at my face and tell me to change my diet and take this specific medication. What I didn’t expect was to come out of that office with answers that I had been searching for for years. The doctor telling me “you are a textbook case of PCOS” still rings in my ear.

Of course, I didn’t want to take up any more of the doctor’s time and figured I could learn about it on my own. Big mistake, huge. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself, the more I read that day, the worse I felt. It’s the leading cause of female infertility? So I may never have babies? It could lead to ovarian cancer? So I may get cancer?

Just an FYI, don’t just start researching on your own, it’s very overwhelming. I cried off and on for quite a while. And many people I talked to about it kind of just brushed it off like it was nothing. “so you’ll adopt, it’s fine.” or “you’re fine, nothing is wrong with you.” That one was probably my favorite because yes, there was something wrong with me.

I eventually gave up on telling people for a bit because I felt like I needed to just suffer on my own because no one really took it seriously. It’s an issue you can’t see so it must not be too bad, right? I hate that! I honestly hate that. But I didn’t make this post to rant about that, so let’s continue on with the story.

I was afraid and felt so alone. I didn’t know anyone who had been diagnosed with PCOS, I felt like the only one in the world who had it. Everyone I talked to never even knew what that was. So I don’t have a period every month, I should be thankful. That’s about the extent anyone knows. This is why PCOS Awareness Month exists. This is why I keep talking about it. This is why Buzzfeed did a video on it.

There’s so much I could say about my feelings of having PCOS. It is an emotional rollercoaster that I will never get off. There’s no cure and there may never be one. They’re barely starting to learn about what causes it so we still have a long way to go. But if you feel so inclined to donate, please do. You never know what your money could be helping accomplish.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. I hope you keep returning to learn more about PCOS. And don’t forget to wear your teal in the month of September. I know I have my nail polish.

“Her Success is Not My Failure” – Latasha Haynes

39020342_937536426429734_388514911870779392_nI gotta say, life is really funny sometimes. I want to post but something always gets in the way and I hate typing up blog posts on my phone because it’s a little harder to write and research. Plus I like the bigger screen of my laptop so much more. Anyway, today is the first day of my last fall semester at the community college and I could be more nervous and excited for this semester. For one, I am not for sure in two of the classes that I absolutely need. I’m also enrolled in statistics this semester and I hate math, have never been good at it. But somehow, I managed to pull off a B in my algebra 2 class this summer so I’m pretty proud of myself for that.

39012887_2096769243975848_2542323556344135680_nI decided to write about my bullet journal in this post. Why? Because it has helped me through so much in the last 2 years and I know it will help me through this semester. So, I hope you’re ready to see my work! And I will be hiding all of my personal information because the internet does not and will never need to see that.

So, if you don’t know what a bullet journal is then you will after this. A bullet journal can be something different for each person. For me, it is a planner, a way to tracker certain habits (like reading, praying, etc), a place to write down stuff I want to do, I even have my education plan in it. All of which you will probably see throughout.

39062187_217046682323227_4004356661857746944_nI am in a few bullet journal groups on Facebook, one of which I actually created. The biggest group, by far, is Boho Berry Tribe. I asked the group what bullet journaling is to them and I loved the responses. I decided to add them here and no names or personal information will be posted.

“A record keeper for the important things in life, big and small. A goal keeper/ tracker for my business. And a creative outlet. Like a diary without the drama.”

“It’s literally everything and anything I need it to be. It’s a calendar, task list, journal, reading log, list of things I want, quotes and inspiration, reminders, a master syllabus for my classes. A place to draw and be goofy but also serious and poised. It’s messy and imperfect and a true reflection of life.”

39087742_683142718713110_5828806834454003712_n“It’s my journey.”

“My bujo is what helps me realize how productive I really am. It helps me give myself credit for all the things I do. Trackers help me stay motivated, act as a reward for following through and help me find patterns in symptoms. My monthlies and weeklies help me stay organized. They keep me from getting that ‘I’m forgetting something but I don’t know what’ feeling. I am so much more organized and productive now, and I have no clue how I got anything done before!”

39069487_232406970953171_1639907883292295168_n” I tell people it’s my life. It’s the extension of me that I don’t have to worry about not being perfect, or presentable to others, I never have to fake it, it changes with me, for me because of me. I can be sloppy messy neat and it makes sense to only me. It’s my friend, keeps me on task and organized with every part of my life. From bills to volunteering, to city events and concerts/movies.”

“I was introduced to Bullet Journaling after complaining to an intern at my job about how I just can’t retain any information from school. I’m an older student at 38, work full-time, have 2 kids, a hubby, a live in 19-year-old niece (who’s a saint thank God), 4 fur babies, my nieces bunny and parrot, a house and I run the communications dept. at my church, I’m tired lol. This intern just turned my life right side up when she introduced me to bullet journaling and it has saved my sanity. The actual method used for basic BuJo is amazing to me and now I can remember things again. I write everything down in it and I can find everything fast.”

39042008_967692503403036_8159637658453147648_n“my brain! if it’s in the book, it gets done. it’s entertainment. it’s a creative outlet. it helps me sort thru my life.”

As you can see from what was said, bullet journaling has made an impact on many lives. And the best part, to many of us, is that you can do whatever you want with it. Plus, there’s no wrong way to bullet journal. Some people make very elaborate pages while other keep it simple. I’ve seen people use water colors to make their bullet journal pages and I think it’s absolutely amazing but I could never do it. I use stickers, a ruler, and several color pens.

39062955_1673301316101687_8339909835436851200_nYou’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with school starting up. Well, I have made a few pages specifically for tracking school related things. I have all of the important school dates written down, a few pages made up of two weeks each for writing down what homework I need to do, and what classes I need for each degree I’m getting next year. It keeps me on track and I know where I can find each thing all in one place. It’s great! And each of my classes are their own color so that’s helpful as well.

I hope that everyone at least tries out bullet journaling because it honestly could change your life. I know it sounds so cheesy but it is so true. I started bullet journaling because I saw many beautiful pages and started learning about what it is. Just remember, you can use whatever you want and do as much or as little as you desire. There is never a wrong way to do it. That’s the beauty of the bullet journaling system!

Thank you all for visiting my blog, I hope you enjoyed this weeks post. I apologize for being so absent. I will try my hardest to post weekly again. Until next time, enjoy your week!

Helpful links:

Boho Berry

Bullet Journaling System

Bullet Journaling California Facebook Group

Boho Berry Tribe Facebook Page

“Don’t be discouraged Oh I realize It’s hard to take courage” -True Colors Lyrics

36517389_1849541408687582_7254849853488889856_nHello everyone! I apologize for being MIA for so long. Has it really been since May? Well, Not too much has changed in my life as of late. Still no work, still going to school, still dating the same guy. One thing to note is that I finished my Drama 1 class last week with an A, I actually loved it. I’m now focusing on my ASL 1 and Math classes that I have left this summer. I hope to post more about my ASL class later. Today I want to be real with everyone. Life is hard, sometimes it feels too hard. It’s even harder to admit that it’s hard for you. Sometimes you have to just pull yourself together in the morning and pretend you aren’t hurting inside.

I’ll be the first to admit that I feel this way sometimes. It’s been more often than not lately and I hate to burden people with my struggles because they’re already doing so much for me.

Life has been really discouraging lately. I have applied to over 100 places; office jobs, fast food, retail, child care. So far, I had two interviews, the first one I was emailed less than a week later saying they went with someone more qualified and the other one I knew I wasn’t going to get because the interviewer was really rude to me at the end. My bank also feels the need to remind me that I have $11 to my name right now because I don’t have a job. Thankfully I have people willing to support me with the things I need so I’m not homeless, starving, or having to drop school. But I don’t enjoy relying on others to buy me food, pay for my textbooks and school fees, living in a house with no way to chip in. I can’t even qualify for food stamps because I’m taking more than 6 college units and not working at least 20 hours a week. You may think I’m exaggerating but I’m not, that is literally the policy. Apparently if you’re going to school full-time, you can afford to pay for food yourself. I also was wanting to take up YouTube gaming and created my channel and everything but ran into an issue when my computer couldn’t run the software. So, I’m at a loss.

Now, I don’t share my struggles to get sympathy or to become a charity case. I tell you these things so you know where I’m coming from. I am discouraged and I’m struggling. I’m also not saying I’m not extremely grateful for all that those around me have done to help me be where I am right now. I am more indebted to those people than even imaginable. Michaela literally changed my life. 2018 has not been the year I had hoped it would be, it started out in the worst possible way and has been a swirling rollercoaster ever since.

The question remains, though. What am I going to do moving forward. Everyone has their opinions on what you should do to get back on track.  The following are my plans:

  • First, I will continue to focus on my education because that’s all I really can do right now. I am on my last year of community college and I’ll be done.
  • Second, I will be doing is writing. I want to write more of my book, I do have less than 4 years to make my goal so I need to get on it. I also want to write in my journal each day, even if I don’t have much to say.
  • Third, I will be diving back into bullet journaling. I have let it slip away as of late and I want it back, I felt so happy and together when I was bullet journaling.
  • Fourth, I will be working on my art. I got a drawing notebook and pencils and haven’t done much with them. I think it’s time I do that.
  • Fifth, I will be working on my health. The stress of the last several months has taken a toll on my body and it’s showing, anyone who has seen me lately can attest to that.

I think those things are a good start. Of course, I’ll still be trying to find a job but I need to take care of me because no one else can do that for me. No one can fix the inside when it’s hurt, only I can do that. And I am ready to do so.

I thank you all for being on this ride called life with me. I will be back posting every Monday, I was away for far too long. I thought about posting so often but I was in a rut that I couldn’t get out of. But being in school (physically rather than online) has helped me immensely and I am starting to feel a little bit more like myself. I want to be me again. I, of course, won’t be the same. We’re always changing and this year has changed me a lot.

Thank you for coming to my blog and I hope you keep coming back. My posts aren’t typically this heavy but I wanted people to know my heart.

I want to close this post with something very off topic, though. This coming Saturday is International Save the Vaquita Day. Check out this link here to see if there’s an event near you. And if you don’t know what vaquitas are, they are the world’s smallest porpoises and they are going extinct. There are about 12 left and they only live in one place, the gulf of Mexico. They are being killed because they are getting caught in illegal gill nets. If you can, donate to their cause. They are amazing creatures that are suffering at the hands of man.

“You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.” -Geoffrey Willans

When you hear people say “I’m learning a new language” what do you automatically assume? Often times you think they’ll say Spanish, an Asian language, or maybe even Russian. For some reason, our minds don’t think of American Sign Language. Why is this? It is so important to learn, especially if you work in a hospital setting because you never know when someone will be in your care you is deaf.

Sign language has always interested me, ever since I was a kid. I remember I was in about 3rd grade when there were kids on the playground signing and I watched in awe. I learned most of the alphabet that year but that’s about it. It wasn’t until I was making my 30 before 30 list that I decided to really focus on learning some sign language.

Well, I signed up for two ASL classes and I am so excited. I can not wait to learn sign language. I know there is something that has attracted me to sign language, even if I don’t know exactly what it is right now. I just wish I had known how to communicate when I was on my mission because we knocked into a family who were all deaf and it would have been really cool to meet with them.

Why is it important to know ASL, though? I found a nice article title “5 Important Reasons For Learning Sign Language” and, though they aren’t all important reasons, they are good reasons.

  1. It’s all around us. Seriously, though. If you pay attention, you’ll see it in your every day life.
  2. It’s easy to learn. It really is, I’m enjoying how much I am learning from apps and other sites.
  3. It allows silence. This is a big one. Our lives are so full of noise, from music, to the neighbor’s lawn mower. Sign language gives our ears a break.
  4. It becomes exceedingly useful. Like I said at the beginning, if you work in the medical field, ASL is vital. What if someone comes in for an emergency and they are trying to sign to you and you have no idea what they are saying. You have to scramble to find someone who does know ASL and by the time you find someone, it could be too late.
  5. It is beautiful. Ok, this is not important but it’s true. Have you ever seen someone sign before? We always talk about how the romance languages are beautiful but to see what people speaking ASL can do with their hands to communicate is amazing. There are a few videos below showing people speaking in ASL.

I am looking forward to crossing off another thing on my 30 before 30 list. Of course, I will be keeping you all updated on my ASL journey. I may even decide to post some pictures on my YouTube channel, I haven’t decided yet. Let me know if you all would like to see that. For now, here are a few other article for you to check out:

  1. College Students Share The Importance of ASL and Deaf Culture in Today’s Hearing World
  2. The Benefits of American Sign Language
  3. American Sign Language

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. I hope you keep checking back each week for new posts. Comment below with your thought and feelings on ASL. Do you know ASL? What resources do you use? My resources are below. I use an android for my apps so check with the iTunes app store to see if they are available to you, as well.

  1. American Sign Language Phrases
  2. Signing Savvy
  3. The ASL App
  4. Spread the Sign App
  5. ASL American Sign Language App

“Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.” ―Mother Teresa

This past week has been a test of my patients. The college I was planning to go back to keeps blocking all ways of progress for my degree and I was at the end of my rope. I didn’t know what else to do, I was ready to just give up. Instead, I prayed. When we take that leap of faith and pray, it will surprise you what answers will come to you. What came to me? Well, I was prompted to no longer pursue that school. If the institution is no longer willing to work with me, there is no reason to give them any more of my money or time.

Screen Shot 2018-04-30 at 10.20.21 AMLet me tell you all, this school is (in my experience) the worst one in California. Ever since I started there in 2011, I have run into issue after issue. Just last year they wanted to charge me for a book they misplaced. To make it worse, they were charging me more than a brand new book would cost. The book you can see here and in the image is the one they lost. The price is about $15 new and they wanted to charge me over $20. They were withholding my transcripts from being sent to Los Angeles Valley College (where I was transferring). Of course, I took matters into my own hands. I went above the whole staff at the college and I contacted the president of the school system. Yes, the president. Some may think, “why would you bother the president with a silly little book. Just pay the fee.” No, it wasn’t my book to pay for. It was not my fault they misplaced it. Once it is back at the library, it is no longer my responsibility. Well, a couple of days later, I received an email directly from him (crazy, right?) saying that he will be contacting the school to fix this problem. The best part? A couple of hours after receiving said email, I got a call from the school saying all holds and charges for the book had been dropped. What a shocker! It couldn’t have had anything to do with the president, could it?

You could imagine how tired I was of fighting this school by now, right? This is just one example of many and I thought that, when I moved to L.A., I would be done with them but I was so very wrong. Life put me in a place where I was going to go back to this awful place that I despised so very much. It’s not the teachers or the curriculum I dislike, though one teacher I had almost caused a fight between groups of students in the class twice due to her curriculum. No, it’s the staff in the admissions and records department. They are supposed to know more than they do but they don’t and they refuse to work with you to find out. I have had to turn to the counseling department for things admissions and records should have helped me with. The last 3 months have been a nightmare working with them because they are so incompetent.

This is why I prayed. I was ready to  just give up all that I had worked for. I was done, I couldn’t take it anymore. But when I prayed, I felt so much peace. I am about an hour away from the college I was going to go back to and there is another college in the town I’m in. I didn’t want to go to this other college because when I transfer to a university, I didn’t want to have to send transcripts from 3 different colleges. I wanted to just send 2 transcripts and be done with it. But sometimes the plan we have is not what is best. I am now preparing to go to this other college and I have discovered I will be able to receive 5 degrees and 3 certificates (Child and Adolescent Development AA-T, Early Childhood Education AS-T, English AA-T, University Studies in Elementary Teaching Preparation AA-T, Child Development AS, Child Development Teacher Certificate of Achievement, Child Development Assistant Skill Certificate, and Child Development Associate Teacher Skill Certificate). You may be thinking that it’s excessive and unnecessary but I honestly don’t have to do anything extra for these degrees. For example, the Early Childhood Education AS-T and the Child Development AS need the exact same courses.

Anyway, I wanted to let you all know that things really are looking up. I may not currently have a job but I am applying like crazy. I have school to keep me busy and friends on my side.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. Keep visiting weekly to learn more about my life and the world around me. If you have every felt frustrated about your school, comment below with how you handled it. I love hearing from you! Until next time, have a great week!

“Self-love has very little to do with how you feel about your outer self. It’s about accepting all of yourself.” -Tyra Banks

meI woke up late today and had to rush to get ready to head to school with Zack. I have an interview later and I couldn’t find my brush and nothing was going right. I felt like I was failing everything. The was supposed to start off good, I was supposed to be excited about this upcoming interview. But instead, I was thinking about how ugly I was going to look because I had to rush. I was thinking about how I didn’t prepare enough so I was going to fail the interview. I was being all around negative and hateful to myself.

Have you ever felt like you hated yourself, for one reason or another? Where does it all come from? When does it all start? Babies don’t come out hating themselves, right? Is it taught? Is it embedded in our genes? Thankfully, I found several articles to help me understand all of this.

little 2However, I want to start by dispelling a myth that has changed the world. What is that myth? Well, many people today believe that girls get their negative self-image from dolls and cartoons they watch. For example, Dora the Explorer and other iconic kids shows used to be rounder in size (because they’re kids) but people were claiming their size was making their kids obese. Seriously? No, you want to know where I got my negative self-image? I got it from family, friends, and other girls who bullied me. It had nothing to do with Barbie’s unrealistic size. littleI never once thought, “I want to be her size, because it’s what’s pretty.” I saw Barbie as a doll, not as something to aspire to. I never once looked at the old Care-bears and thought, “Look at their size, I should eat more to be like that.” We need to stop blaming unrelated sources for the issues other females are causing. Unfortunately, I don’t see a way to fix it and it only gets worse as you get older. It turns from what other people are saying to you and about you, to what YOU are saying to you and about you.

Ok, back to what I was saying in the beginning. First of all, I want to say that I found an amazing video that I will add below. I hope you watch it because it’s important and goes along with what I said above.

little 3Now, I found an article titled “The Psychology of Insecurity: Where Does Self-hatred Come From?” This answers many of the questions I just posed above: where does it all come from? When does it all start? Babies don’t come out hating themselves, right? Is it taught? Is it embedded in our genes? The article states, “Nobody is born with a gene for self-hatred – it’s an environmental and cultural development that comes from your place in society and your experiences.” This is so unfortunate that the people who are supposed to help us, only cause us to hate ourselves. But it’s not all because you were abused, the article also states, “You can feel insecure simply because your parents worked too much as a kid or had to divide their time among too many siblings. A child’s early identity formation is crucial, and if no one is around to teach them they are valuable, special, and loved, they can have a hard time feeling it later on.” The article ends with saying, “It’s difficult to pinpoint one underlying cause of insecurity. It can start in childhood or it can develop over time. It can cripple you mentally and emotionally, or it can simply make it hard to ask the girl at the bar for her number. But what really matters is that virtually everyone is insecure in one way or another. When you’re working to overcome to absorption of negative attitudes and beliefs about yourself, remember that almost everyone you know has gone through the same battle.”

This was such a blessing to find. Sometimes it’s a good reminder that other people go through this also. But how can I love myself again? How can love me the way I did when I was little? For this, I turned to another article titled “How to Turn Self-Hatred into Self-Compassion” The thing that you need to focus on, according to the article, is self-compassion. The five things they give are as follows:

  1. Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you care about
  2. Recognize that beliefs do not equal truths
  3. Embrace the concept of “good enough”
  4. Consider turning to spirituality or religion
  5. If you hate yourself for mistakes you made, make amends

gmaLet me talk about these for a moment. First, talking to yourself as if you were talking to someone you love is a good way to look at it. I would never have told my grandma that she’s ugly or fat because I never saw her that way. I saw her as this beautiful, loving, strong woman, who could overcome anything life threw at her. How do I see myself? Definitely not that way…more like the opposite. Second, recognizing the way you believe as not being true is a huge thing. I know I’m not ugly but I tell myself I am. Why? Because other people have told me that I am. Third, how do we embrace the concept of “good enough?” The dictionary says, “adequately good for the circumstances.” We don’t have to be perfect, no one is, but we can do our best and leave the rest up to God. That brings us to number four, turning to spirituality or religion. The whole topic in sacrament meeting yesterday was self-esteem and self-love. One of the speakers said that when you know you are daughter (or son) of God, how can you hate yourself? This hit home for me. No matter who I am or what I do, he will always love me. Perhaps I need to focus on seeing myself the way he sees me? Lastly, number five, make amends for the mistakes you hate yourself for. This could be easier said than done. I am one of those people who lay in bed some nights and a thought comes to my mind, reminding me of what I did wrong months ago and how stupid I was. It’s hard to let go of those things. I think this relates a lot to my post about learning to forgive people who hurt us, honestly, because we hurt ourselves.

beautifulYou may be wondering why I am focusing on this today. Well, for one thing, it’s one of my 30 before 30 items that I need to check off and this helps me hold myself accountable. I’m not going to say that I completely love myself today but I’m working on it. Second, the topic in church yesterday made me want to post about it. I guess that’s how the spirit works, isn’t it?

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. This post took me some time to do because a) I wanted to give you the best information I could and b) no one likes to admit they don’t love themselves. I hope you can check out the inner voice video as well as the song  and other articles I added below. Keep coming back each week for new content. I love you all and I hope this helps you learn to love yourselves as well.

8 Ways to Increase Your Self-Love by Elyse Santilli

A Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love: Self-love is an action not a state of feeling good by Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D