Category Archives: Inside my Mind

“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.” -Henry James

Hello readers. It has been a couple months and boy has so much changed. I’m not doing great with my goal to keep up with my blog, am I? Well, there’s always room for improvement. I have attempted to write a couple times but I get stuck. Weird, right? Anyway, I guess it’s a good time to talk about all that has happened in my life. But where to start?

I’ve posted twice in the last 5 months and not filled you guys in on the happenings in Carra’s Life. After all, that is the name of my blog, isn’t it? So let’s go back a couple months, shall we? In April I started up a Twitch and YouTube account and in May I stopped. Sad, I know. I plan to get back into at least Twitch. I also finished another semester of college in May, receiving all passing grades. I’m that much closer to graduation!

At the end of May, I was offered a job at a yoga studio. No, I don’t teach yoga, I had a hard enough time getting up in front of my class last semester for my yoga final. I actually watch children while their parents take the classes offered. Sometimes there are no kids, though, so I tidy up the studio. It’s a really laid back place that I enjoy.

In July I went on a couple dates. The first was no fun at all, it was just super awkward and we barely said a word to each other the whole time. The other was so great, we we out for ice cream and just talked for hours. We go to church together so we already knew each other and we just really hit it off.

Also in July, after my wonderful date actually, I felt my first house-shaking earthquake. Growing up on the west coast, you think I would have felt them all the time but no. For this one, I was home alone with 3 cats and I had my first ever panic attack. That’s when I knew I had strong feelings for this guy. Crazy, right? I know what you’re probably thinking, “she’s just another one of those crazy Mormons.” I actually called him in a panic and he helped calm me down because he could hear how shaken I was. Of course, all 3 cats slept through the whole thing so it couldn’t have been that bad, I suppose. I just kept thinking what I would possibly do in the case of an emergency. Michaela told me if there was an emergency, I would need to shove all the cats in the one cat carrier we have and take the car and get as far as I could. Luckily, there was no emergency and I calmed down enough to go to sleep. California is crazy y’all.

School started back up in August and I’m taking 4 classes, biology, statistics, a support class for statistics, and English. I know, I know, it’s crazy to take math and science in the same semester but I apparently saved my hard classes for the end. I’m so close, I can feel my degrees in my hands.

This month I am celebrating PCOS awareness month and the one year anniversary of when Olivander, my wonderful furry companion, came into my life. I also got my first pair of glasses, so that’s exciting.

I know life will have a lot of changes coming my way soon and I am so ready and so excited.

As always, thank you for stopping by. Comment below with how you all have been doing the last 5 months. What would you like to see on my blog?

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“Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick.” ―Gwyneth Paltrow

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is my outward appearance. For most of my life, I wore little to no makeup and comfy clothes. But as you get older your fashion tends to change. I have been wanting to buy makeup and learn how to actually apply it. I have been wanting to buy clothes that aren’t just jeans, t-shirts, or yoga pants. Yes, I have a new-found love for joggers but I know there is a time and a place for everything. I wear yoga pants and joggers to school because I have yoga class as my first class of the day and don’t feel the need to change.

Now, I am by no means telling you that you need to dress better or wear makeup to feel like an adult. No way, not at all. Do what you feel comfortable in. I, however, have acne that I want to cover up and I want to just dress overall better than I have in the past.

Unfortunately, acne is something that goes with having PCOS. It may clear up if I had a better diet and exercised regularly but right now I’m not. And I know that makeup can enhance the beauty I already have. I don’t want makeup because I think I’m ugly and want to hide who I am. I just want to enhance my beauty. Also, acne makes me look younger than I am and people tend to treat “younger” child care workers different from older ones.

And for those whose main argument against makeup is that it’s just to hide behind something, no. That’s ridiculous. If you say that women wear makeup to impress boys, yes, some do but most want to wear makeup for themselves. It makes them happy. And don’t forget, makeup used to be for men…so stop shaming people for wearing it.

I’ll get off my soap box for now on that. I just wanted to share my thoughts that I’ve had lately on the matter. Do you wear makeup? What YouTubers do you watch? Share below! As always, thank you for coming to my blog and listening to me ramble.

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” -Albert Einstein

This past week was another uneventful one. One thing that happened was I signed a petition for a highly offensive game to be banned on Steam before its release date. What is the game, you ask? It’s called Rape Day, and it’s exactly what you imagine it is. That’s why it needed to be taken down. I don’t know who made the game or why they thought it was a good idea but they should be fired.

In lighter news, I have looked over the classes for fall semester and it is looking like I will have school on Mondays and Wednesdays next semester. It will also be my last semester at a community college and I am looking forward to that. Now I just have to decide if I want to transfer or stay with my Associate degrees. I’ve been thinking a lot about my future lately and I am thinking that being a college counselor would be perfect for me. I have dealt with my fair share of incompetent college counselors starting in high school, all the way up to my current college. The most recent terrible counselor told me that I have been in school to long and that I needed to pick one single degree and focus on that. Even though I don’t need to take ANY extra classes for the degrees I am getting, they ALL over lap. Heck, after this semester, I am done with my major classes.

Thankfully, I have also met with a few knowledgeable counselors who were able to help me. Just last week, I met with one who was able to tell me that the previous counselors I went to were wrong and that they were trying to get me to take extra classes I didn’t need. At this point, I had already taken them so it didn’t matter but I’m still annoyed. Just a FYI, if you are getting both a regular AA or AS plus another degree that is an AA-T or AS-T (that is to say, for transfer), you don’t have to do both general education plans, the CSU transfer general education replaces the regular general education. So, that could save you from taking extra classes like health, P.E, Library science, and stuff like that.

This is why I want to be a college counselor. I have met too many who don’t listen to or care about the students. I want to be like the 3 (out of the handfuls I have seen) and actually be there to help people not waste time and money.

I know in college, I am supposed to figure out what I want to do with my life and I think that I finally have. It took me a bit of time but I think I got it. I can spend some time as a preschool teacher and then get my Bachelor’s degree and Master’s degree while doing that. Then, perhaps I will find a job in as a college counselor.

What are your thoughts? When did you know what you wanted to do with your life? What have been your experiences with college counselors? Leave a comment below, and as always, thank you for visiting my blog.

“In nine lifetimes, you’ll never know as much about your cat as your cat knows about you.” –Michel de Montaigne

53294689_365469507620410_5291858716121890816_nThis week, I don’t have much to report…which is a good and bad thing I suppose. One fun thing that did occur this week, however, is my cat Olivander turning one year old. I didn’t throw him a party or make him a kitty cake but I did have a mini photo shoot with him. We both had fun and the photos look great. Of course, they are nowhere near professional, but it was worth every second. As you can see in the photo, we used some wand props because he is named after the great Ollivander himself…just a little spelling difference.

Another thing that happened this week was that I finally met with a counselor in college who knows her stuff. It’s a miracle, I know. I am on track on she will hep me fill out all of my paperwork for every degree when it is time. She also will help me see what universities will be accepting spring 2020 admissions so that’s awesome. I was only in her office for about ten minutes and it helped me so much more than any 30-60 minute meeting I’ve had with counselors before. She was on top of everything and had my file all ready for me before I even went into her office. She answered all of my questions and was very straight with me and for that, I am grateful.

53327487_326011561373125_6186254980857462784_nLastly, I just want to say how powerful music can be. I just put all of the music from my external hard drive onto my new laptop and started listening to music I haven’t heard in so long. One of my personal favorites my freshman year of high school is below and I felt all of those feelings and memories come flooding back. Have you every had a moment like that with music? You haven’t heard a song in 10+ years and when you heard it again for the first time, everything comes flooding back. It’s crazy how music can have such and impact on us, for good or bad.

Anyway, I know this was kind of a random catch up with Carra post. I hope you enjoyed it and enjoy the song below. I hope you come back next week for more content. Have a great week and weekend!

“An apology might help, but you can change your life without one.” -Robin Quivers

I apologize profusely for not posting thus far in 2019. Ironic how it’s one of my goals, isn’t it. Anyway, I don’t have much time to post today but let me tell you a few things about 2019 so far.

  1. This semester is already hard. I had to drop a course, I recommend not taking more than one English class at a time.
  2. I finished counseling, the counselor felt I was doing better and we came to an agreement that if I need it in the future, I will make an appointment.
  3. I got a new laptop. I sold my old MacBook then was able to buy a nice Acer from BestBuy.
  4. I had a great birthday weekend this past weekend.
  5. We rearranged pretty much the whole house this weekend and I am not in a bigger, brighter room looking out into the backyard.
  6. I am happy with this year, though not much else has changed.

I want to hear how your 2019 is going, one month in. Let me know in the comments bellow. As always, thank you for visiting my blog and I hope you find great content here.

“Looking back, the biggest mistake I made was feeling ashamed of it. Acne is a part of life. You don’t need to be embarrassed of it.” -Cameron Dallas

The more I learn about PCOS the more I realize everything is connected. I love that I have answers to questions I’ve been asking for years. It doesn’t make me dislike my symptoms any less, though.

If you’ve ever been bullied, you understand where I’m coming from. You hate to be so different from everyone for fear of it happening again. Of course, I try to focus on what makes me happy and not what others think but it’s hard.

Having acne like I do at 26 is no fun. But what am I doing about it? Nothing. I wash my face every once in a while but not like I should. That’s what I want to talk about today, personal hygiene and PCOS.

There are so many articles out about what to use and what to avoid and it seems like they all contradict the other. One says to use something with peroxide while the other says to avoid it at all costs. Then there’s the research done on them that only makes it more confusing because the research constantly changes.

I was told in high school that eating carrots will clear acne right up. Is there research one it? You bet! Is it all accurate? Probably not. Another person said she was told to put toothpaste on every blemish. Now this one most people agree is not good for you. It’s harmful and they suggest trying something else.

Then you look at the face washes in the world and they all claim to be the best. For instance, Pro Active is suppose to be this miracle worker but it cause my cousin to break out worse. Then there’s the people that say if you’re not spending a lot of skin care, you’re just getting water and chemicals that won’t do anything.

Well, I’m right in the confusion with you. I have decided that I need to start trying to wash my face the right way. If I want to make my acne go away, I gotta try all I can right? We all have to start somewhere and for me, I’d like to start with the Cera Ve brand. It’s supposed to be dermatologist recommended so why not start there? I will probably get it this week and try it for a couple months and report back.

I know this was kind of all over the place, it’s just part of PCOS. If you struggle with acne, tell us below what helps you.

“Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.” -Dr. Meredith Grey

pcosWith the month of September right around the corner, I wanted to post about something important to me. I’ve posted about it a couple of times before, and that’s PCOS. You can read those posts here and here.

For those who don’t know what it is or want to learn more about it, I will be making weekly posts about it. September is PCOS Awareness Month and I think what better way to bring awareness is through my blog?

This week I want to share about when I found out. I haven’t shared much about my thoughts and feelings on that day and why not kick it off with that?

It was last year, around this time actually. I was going in for a checkup to see what I could do about my acne because I was 25 and tired of it, I looked like a teenager and didn’t want to anymore. I went into the office, fully expecting her to look at my face and tell me to change my diet and take this specific medication. What I didn’t expect was to come out of that office with answers that I had been searching for for years. The doctor telling me “you are a textbook case of PCOS” still rings in my ear.

Of course, I didn’t want to take up any more of the doctor’s time and figured I could learn about it on my own. Big mistake, huge. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself, the more I read that day, the worse I felt. It’s the leading cause of female infertility? So I may never have babies? It could lead to ovarian cancer? So I may get cancer?

Just an FYI, don’t just start researching on your own, it’s very overwhelming. I cried off and on for quite a while. And many people I talked to about it kind of just brushed it off like it was nothing. “so you’ll adopt, it’s fine.” or “you’re fine, nothing is wrong with you.” That one was probably my favorite because yes, there was something wrong with me.

I eventually gave up on telling people for a bit because I felt like I needed to just suffer on my own because no one really took it seriously. It’s an issue you can’t see so it must not be too bad, right? I hate that! I honestly hate that. But I didn’t make this post to rant about that, so let’s continue on with the story.

I was afraid and felt so alone. I didn’t know anyone who had been diagnosed with PCOS, I felt like the only one in the world who had it. Everyone I talked to never even knew what that was. So I don’t have a period every month, I should be thankful. That’s about the extent anyone knows. This is why PCOS Awareness Month exists. This is why I keep talking about it. This is why Buzzfeed did a video on it.

There’s so much I could say about my feelings of having PCOS. It is an emotional rollercoaster that I will never get off. There’s no cure and there may never be one. They’re barely starting to learn about what causes it so we still have a long way to go. But if you feel so inclined to donate, please do. You never know what your money could be helping accomplish.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. I hope you keep returning to learn more about PCOS. And don’t forget to wear your teal in the month of September. I know I have my nail polish.

“Don’t be discouraged Oh I realize It’s hard to take courage” -True Colors Lyrics

36517389_1849541408687582_7254849853488889856_nHello everyone! I apologize for being MIA for so long. Has it really been since May? Well, Not too much has changed in my life as of late. Still no work, still going to school, still dating the same guy. One thing to note is that I finished my Drama 1 class last week with an A, I actually loved it. I’m now focusing on my ASL 1 and Math classes that I have left this summer. I hope to post more about my ASL class later. Today I want to be real with everyone. Life is hard, sometimes it feels too hard. It’s even harder to admit that it’s hard for you. Sometimes you have to just pull yourself together in the morning and pretend you aren’t hurting inside.

I’ll be the first to admit that I feel this way sometimes. It’s been more often than not lately and I hate to burden people with my struggles because they’re already doing so much for me.

Life has been really discouraging lately. I have applied to over 100 places; office jobs, fast food, retail, child care. So far, I had two interviews, the first one I was emailed less than a week later saying they went with someone more qualified and the other one I knew I wasn’t going to get because the interviewer was really rude to me at the end. My bank also feels the need to remind me that I have $11 to my name right now because I don’t have a job. Thankfully I have people willing to support me with the things I need so I’m not homeless, starving, or having to drop school. But I don’t enjoy relying on others to buy me food, pay for my textbooks and school fees, living in a house with no way to chip in. I can’t even qualify for food stamps because I’m taking more than 6 college units and not working at least 20 hours a week. You may think I’m exaggerating but I’m not, that is literally the policy. Apparently if you’re going to school full-time, you can afford to pay for food yourself. I also was wanting to take up YouTube gaming and created my channel and everything but ran into an issue when my computer couldn’t run the software. So, I’m at a loss.

Now, I don’t share my struggles to get sympathy or to become a charity case. I tell you these things so you know where I’m coming from. I am discouraged and I’m struggling. I’m also not saying I’m not extremely grateful for all that those around me have done to help me be where I am right now. I am more indebted to those people than even imaginable. Michaela literally changed my life. 2018 has not been the year I had hoped it would be, it started out in the worst possible way and has been a swirling rollercoaster ever since.

The question remains, though. What am I going to do moving forward. Everyone has their opinions on what you should do to get back on track.  The following are my plans:

  • First, I will continue to focus on my education because that’s all I really can do right now. I am on my last year of community college and I’ll be done.
  • Second, I will be doing is writing. I want to write more of my book, I do have less than 4 years to make my goal so I need to get on it. I also want to write in my journal each day, even if I don’t have much to say.
  • Third, I will be diving back into bullet journaling. I have let it slip away as of late and I want it back, I felt so happy and together when I was bullet journaling.
  • Fourth, I will be working on my art. I got a drawing notebook and pencils and haven’t done much with them. I think it’s time I do that.
  • Fifth, I will be working on my health. The stress of the last several months has taken a toll on my body and it’s showing, anyone who has seen me lately can attest to that.

I think those things are a good start. Of course, I’ll still be trying to find a job but I need to take care of me because no one else can do that for me. No one can fix the inside when it’s hurt, only I can do that. And I am ready to do so.

I thank you all for being on this ride called life with me. I will be back posting every Monday, I was away for far too long. I thought about posting so often but I was in a rut that I couldn’t get out of. But being in school (physically rather than online) has helped me immensely and I am starting to feel a little bit more like myself. I want to be me again. I, of course, won’t be the same. We’re always changing and this year has changed me a lot.

Thank you for coming to my blog and I hope you keep coming back. My posts aren’t typically this heavy but I wanted people to know my heart.

I want to close this post with something very off topic, though. This coming Saturday is International Save the Vaquita Day. Check out this link here to see if there’s an event near you. And if you don’t know what vaquitas are, they are the world’s smallest porpoises and they are going extinct. There are about 12 left and they only live in one place, the gulf of Mexico. They are being killed because they are getting caught in illegal gill nets. If you can, donate to their cause. They are amazing creatures that are suffering at the hands of man.

“Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.” ―Mother Teresa

This past week has been a test of my patients. The college I was planning to go back to keeps blocking all ways of progress for my degree and I was at the end of my rope. I didn’t know what else to do, I was ready to just give up. Instead, I prayed. When we take that leap of faith and pray, it will surprise you what answers will come to you. What came to me? Well, I was prompted to no longer pursue that school. If the institution is no longer willing to work with me, there is no reason to give them any more of my money or time.

Screen Shot 2018-04-30 at 10.20.21 AMLet me tell you all, this school is (in my experience) the worst one in California. Ever since I started there in 2011, I have run into issue after issue. Just last year they wanted to charge me for a book they misplaced. To make it worse, they were charging me more than a brand new book would cost. The book you can see here and in the image is the one they lost. The price is about $15 new and they wanted to charge me over $20. They were withholding my transcripts from being sent to Los Angeles Valley College (where I was transferring). Of course, I took matters into my own hands. I went above the whole staff at the college and I contacted the president of the school system. Yes, the president. Some may think, “why would you bother the president with a silly little book. Just pay the fee.” No, it wasn’t my book to pay for. It was not my fault they misplaced it. Once it is back at the library, it is no longer my responsibility. Well, a couple of days later, I received an email directly from him (crazy, right?) saying that he will be contacting the school to fix this problem. The best part? A couple of hours after receiving said email, I got a call from the school saying all holds and charges for the book had been dropped. What a shocker! It couldn’t have had anything to do with the president, could it?

You could imagine how tired I was of fighting this school by now, right? This is just one example of many and I thought that, when I moved to L.A., I would be done with them but I was so very wrong. Life put me in a place where I was going to go back to this awful place that I despised so very much. It’s not the teachers or the curriculum I dislike, though one teacher I had almost caused a fight between groups of students in the class twice due to her curriculum. No, it’s the staff in the admissions and records department. They are supposed to know more than they do but they don’t and they refuse to work with you to find out. I have had to turn to the counseling department for things admissions and records should have helped me with. The last 3 months have been a nightmare working with them because they are so incompetent.

This is why I prayed. I was ready to  just give up all that I had worked for. I was done, I couldn’t take it anymore. But when I prayed, I felt so much peace. I am about an hour away from the college I was going to go back to and there is another college in the town I’m in. I didn’t want to go to this other college because when I transfer to a university, I didn’t want to have to send transcripts from 3 different colleges. I wanted to just send 2 transcripts and be done with it. But sometimes the plan we have is not what is best. I am now preparing to go to this other college and I have discovered I will be able to receive 5 degrees and 3 certificates (Child and Adolescent Development AA-T, Early Childhood Education AS-T, English AA-T, University Studies in Elementary Teaching Preparation AA-T, Child Development AS, Child Development Teacher Certificate of Achievement, Child Development Assistant Skill Certificate, and Child Development Associate Teacher Skill Certificate). You may be thinking that it’s excessive and unnecessary but I honestly don’t have to do anything extra for these degrees. For example, the Early Childhood Education AS-T and the Child Development AS need the exact same courses.

Anyway, I wanted to let you all know that things really are looking up. I may not currently have a job but I am applying like crazy. I have school to keep me busy and friends on my side.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. Keep visiting weekly to learn more about my life and the world around me. If you have every felt frustrated about your school, comment below with how you handled it. I love hearing from you! Until next time, have a great week!

“Sometimes it’s hard to see the rainbow when there’s been endless days of rain.” ―Christina Greer

pcosI know many of you are still confused about all that is going on in my life.Which is why I decided to make a blog post about one specific aspect of my life that many are ignorant on, through no fault of their own.

In August of last year, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), view my post on that here. Of course, I had no idea what it was, no one I knew had ever mentioned having it nor was it in the media like cancer or diabetes. What even is PCOS? What does it mean to have it? What are complications that arise from PCOS? Will I be ok? What can I do to make sure it doesn’t get worse? I had all of these questions and more. I was harboring them inside of me and I was afraid to let everyone know because I was worried enough, I didn’t want to worry anyone else. The couple people I actually opened up to just brushed it off as nothing. But sadly, it’s not nothing. It’s something bigger than we all thought. In my previous post I really just spoke about what the symptoms were and added a list of famous people who also have PCOS. This time I am going to give you a few things that I have learned since then.

  • pcos plateAvoiding gluten and dairy help
  • A low GI diet is important
  • Being active is vital, strength training as well as cardio
  • Losing weight (when overweight) helps immensely. According to PCOS for Dummies, “If you are an overweight woman with PCOS, even a modest weight loss of 5 percent leads to
    1. A decrease in your insulin level
    2. An improvement in your menstrual cycle (or acts as a trigger for it to start again)
    3. Reduced testosterone levels, leading to reductions in hirsutism and acne
  • Every issue I’ve been dealing with (digestive issues, depression, acne, weight gain, irregular menstruation, vitamin D deficiency, and many other things) are linked together with PCOS
  • 75% of women with PCOS have a relative with PCOS as well

I have made a whole board on Pinterest full of helpful stuff for managing PCOS, which you can find here. I also have a board for gluten/dairy free recipes and foods that you can visit here. I will be attempting to be gluten and dairy free, though I know it will take time. I am starting off small. Right now, I am focusing on following the PCOS plate so we will see how this goes.

I hope this helped everyone understand at least a little bit about what is going on inside of me. I also hope this helps everyone have a better understanding of my diet, so if I say I can’t have something it’s not because I don’t like it. I want to help my body be happy.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog! I hope you come back to read more. If you still have questions, check out the image and video below. I will talk more about PCOS later so please don’t think I’m leaving you out to dry. Stay tuned!

pcos1