Tag Archives: Carra

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” -Steve Maraboli

Hello all! Today I wanted to post about something that has been on my mind but dont know where or even how to start. 2020 didn’t start out the way I was hoping it would. I had already decided back in December that 2020 would be the year of changes in my life but i was thinking that because I’m graduating college, getting married, and moving away. But apparently, there are more changes coming my way and they won’t all be easy.

I’ve spent many nights thinking about one of the bigger and more painful changes coming in my life. Letting go of people, even if they mean the world to you, is never easy. But sometimes it’s the best thing to do.

I actually had an epiphany the other day while talking to my friend. As many of you know, I was married before. With my last marriage, I actually lost a friend because she couldn’t be accepting of my life choices. She was my closest friend and now we hardly ever speak. And when we do, it’s brief. This time, I am preparing to get married and I am faced with a similar incident. Different person, similar story. But I know it is more about what they having going on in their life but their words have become harsher the closer I get to being married. It’s at the point where they are no longer supportive and it hurts. I am actually now afraid to be myself around this person and it kills me because we were fine up until this year.

A year of change, a year of new things, a year where I get to be me. I’m getting married in the temple to an amazing guy who love me and I love him. No one can take that from me, no matter how against it they are.

Yes, I understand people who say “it’s too soon” but I have prayed about it and know that it’s right. I dont have to date someone for 1, 2, 4, or 10 years to know that I want to marry them. If God tells me that’s who I should marry then I will do it. He’s an amazing guy and it pains me that people who like him and know I’m happy, cant just be happy for me.

Why is society to the point where friends cant even be happy for friends without trying to tear them down? Why cant friends rejoice in our happiness?

I know I’m rambling, I’m just hurt and I have been treated worse and worse for the last year by the same person. A person who makes me feel so betrayed. But, on the positive side of things, we dont stay in the valleys forever. Things do get better and I know that it will. I may have to let go of people near and dear to me but sometimes to heal you have to hurt.

Thank you for coming to hear me complain. I hope no one ever has to go through this and if you do, I am here dor you.

Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

-Deborah Reber

“In nine lifetimes, you’ll never know as much about your cat as your cat knows about you.” –Michel de Montaigne

53294689_365469507620410_5291858716121890816_nThis week, I don’t have much to report…which is a good and bad thing I suppose. One fun thing that did occur this week, however, is my cat Olivander turning one year old. I didn’t throw him a party or make him a kitty cake but I did have a mini photo shoot with him. We both had fun and the photos look great. Of course, they are nowhere near professional, but it was worth every second. As you can see in the photo, we used some wand props because he is named after the great Ollivander himself…just a little spelling difference.

Another thing that happened this week was that I finally met with a counselor in college who knows her stuff. It’s a miracle, I know. I am on track on she will hep me fill out all of my paperwork for every degree when it is time. She also will help me see what universities will be accepting spring 2020 admissions so that’s awesome. I was only in her office for about ten minutes and it helped me so much more than any 30-60 minute meeting I’ve had with counselors before. She was on top of everything and had my file all ready for me before I even went into her office. She answered all of my questions and was very straight with me and for that, I am grateful.

53327487_326011561373125_6186254980857462784_nLastly, I just want to say how powerful music can be. I just put all of the music from my external hard drive onto my new laptop and started listening to music I haven’t heard in so long. One of my personal favorites my freshman year of high school is below and I felt all of those feelings and memories come flooding back. Have you every had a moment like that with music? You haven’t heard a song in 10+ years and when you heard it again for the first time, everything comes flooding back. It’s crazy how music can have such and impact on us, for good or bad.

Anyway, I know this was kind of a random catch up with Carra post. I hope you enjoyed it and enjoy the song below. I hope you come back next week for more content. Have a great week and weekend!

“Have no fear These are nowhere near The best years of your life” -Brad Paisley

Dear 16-year-old Carra,

16          Your life will change in the next year and I know it will be hard. Just remember that there are people who love you and are here for you. You will be able to grow and learn so much because you will be getting out of your comfort zone. You’ll lose people you love, you’ll move twice in one year, and you’ll grow closer to Heavenly Father.
When given the opportunity to go see Mountain Grove High School, you’ll do it, you’ll meet the counselor and come out of the meeting ready to move. Actually ask questions this time, don’t be afraid. It’ll be exciting but sad. Leaving your friends will be hard, it is worth it.
See your mom before you move. It’ll eat at you if you don’t. She wanted to say 16 3goodbye but you left before she could. Also, spend more time packing and less time playing. You’ll have a week to pack all of your stuff. Make sure you put Whoonu in a safe spot so you don’t lose it because if you don’t you’ll find out it’s $60 when you’re looking into buying it again.
There will be many boys interested in you, say no to all of them. I mean it, all of them. Don’t even text Casey after Christmas, you’ll thank me later. Boys are no good and you deserve better than all of them. Having Dakota as a friend is enough, he’s a nice guy. But seriously, do not date any of them.
16 1          Don’t give your friend Megan money because you’ll never get it back. Also, don’t spend your first week not eating and hiding in the bathroom at lunchtime. Make friends.You will become really good friends with the girl who you have almost every class with, her name is Shelby. She’ll introduce you to people and you’ll become “popular” because everyone in your grade knows you.
When your English class gets into a discussion about Mormons, don’t be afraid to turn it into a teaching moment. Straightening out the lies will help them in the long run. Tell Derek that chocolate doesn’t destroy your soul, tell Rachel that we are Christian, stun everyone because they had no idea there was a Mormon in the class. You can do it, don’t be shy.
Another thing to consider is your career project in Personal Finance. You’re 16 2thinking about doing it on OB GYN. Don’t. That’s not really what you want to be, you want to be a teacher or a writer. Don’t pick OB GYN just because it makes more money and it goes with what your classmates are doing. Be yourself Carra, it’s ok.
Finally, don’t yell at your grandparents. You’re going to miss them one day and all of those times you screamed and fought will flood your mind for a time. Try to see it from their point of view. Also, learn all you can from grandma, make it a point to cook with her. Ask her about her life. If you don’t, you’ll regret it later in life.
You are a very smart, beautiful, and caring young woman. Don’t let anyone change that or tell you different. Stay close to your family, spend time with them. Garden with grandma, play pool with grandpa. You’ll miss out on all of that if you don’t. They love you and I love you. Stay strong.

25-year-old Carra

“We’ve gone our separate ways and I know it’s for the best, but sometimes I wonder, will I ever have friends like you again?” -Unknow

These girls are my family
These girls are my family

When you get older, you start looking for friends who love the same things you do and stop looking for friends who are just there to keep you company. It took me awhile to find true friends. I moved around a lot until 3rd grade so I didn’t have any friends. Then I got held back so all of my “friends” were gone. I started making new friends but they went away by 6th grade. In 7th grade (Junior High) I finally met a girl who I could really truly call a friend. I still remember the way we met,we were in PE and I was talking to my crush from summer school and she was eves-dropping. I had asked him if he were going to the school dance that week (or was it the week after?) and he said no, that’s when she shouted “I’m going!” I kinda shrugged her off at first but when we went back into the locker room. We had lockers next to each other and I saw that she was alone and so was I. I started talking to her and we made plans to meet up at the dance. This friend is MishaDot, by the way. At the dance, she introduced me to one of her best friends that she had grown up with, Mere. Mere was new to public school because she came from OLV (a Catholic school) and she didn’t have many friends. After that day, we hung out all the time! I eventually met the girl who I loved so much and she was like the little sister I always wanted, Sarah. We were closer than close and inseparable. I also met Becca in my English class. Becca and I had our own little “friend-iveraries and we later found out that we were distant cousins. Alas, all good things must come to an end and that mean friendship as well. Sarah started to change and we went our separate ways but I still think about her from time to time and wonder what she’s doing with her life. I hope for the best for her. I always have. Mere started drifting from us as soon as we started high school. She made new, older friends and she didn’t really need us anymore I guess. the summer before our Sophomore year I moved to Missouri, returning a year later. Becca had changed and I tried to love her through all of her changes because I knew she was just trying to find the real her. I missed the old her but I should have known that people constantly change. Our friendship was on hold for a short period, twice actually. Junior year we fought over a guy and that kinda tore us apart for about a month. And the Senior year, we fought about other stuff and didn’t talk at all for a good few months. Now, almost two years after graduation, we are finally going our separate ways. Mishadot is moving to a small town up in the mountains a few hours away, I’m going on a mission and then who knows what after that, and Becca…well, we’re not sure what she’s doing any more. I will always love these girls like family. I will cherish the memories we made, the endless rounds of Truth or Dare where they got me to sing to my crush of 4 years or coloring each others faces with lipstick.

Mere and I colored our faces
Mere and I colored our faces

Mere, Becca, and I about to go to a church dance
Mere, Becca, and I about to go to a church dance

There are so many things that I wanted to do with these girls. I know that they will forever be in my heart and I hope that I can at least be the kind of “used to be” that they can still talk to and trust. The are my family and they mean so much more to me than they will ever know, no amount of time or distance can change that. And I know that I have new friends, like Victoria and Jewel, who I am so lucky to know and have, but there’s nothing like your first real set of friends. MishaDot, Becca, Mere, and even Sarah: If you guys ever read this, I love you and I will ALWAYS be here to talk to. I will always be there to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on. I promise! And when I get married I want you guys to be there, not just see photos. You are my family. Family doesn’t have to run in the same blood line.  After seven, almost eight years, we have experienced too much to forget. I hope you never forget! And always remeber who you are and that grandma loved you like her own granddaughter. I know she wanted the best for you girls just as I do. Forever your friend, Care-bear!

The King and Queen Ball 8th grade
The King and Queen Ball 8th grade: Sarah, Becca, Debbie, Mere, MishaDot, and I