Tag Archives: Sad

“Wisdom will come as we listen to learn.” -President Russell M. Nelson

29388561_1796523377322719_4154977917933191168_nThis past weekend I had the opportunity to attend something my grandma used to go to quite often. Time Out For Women is an opportunity for sisters in the church to get together and learn and grow.  A friend of mine had extra tickets and I was able to use them. Let me tell you, the speakers were wonderful!

TOFW is a 2 day event and there are several people who speak to us. Each speaker has something to share to help us grow in faith and support. A room full of women listening to touching stories, you could only assume we cried. Let me tell you a bit about my experience and the speakers for each day.

29389205_1796523660656024_4174583619005710336_oFriday night, there were only a few speakers and each one was pretty heavy. First was Cade and Carrian Cheney. They run a blog called Oh Sweet Basil and they discussed how the blog came to be and how it changed their lives. Carrian had a lot of health complications when she was pregnant and when Cade lost his job their blog provided what they needed. But it became not only a place to share recipes but a place to share their faith. I don’t want to give away their whole story but it was a beautiful and touching one. I love that they talked about how the love of cooking and doing it together brought their family closer than ever. Cooking with your significant other can change your day.29432347_1796523570656033_2126170809096470528_o

Next we heard from Jenny Oaks Baker, a violinist who is the daughter of Dallin H. Oaks (one of the apostles). She shared a little about her life and hardships she’s faced; from losing her mom to getting her van loaded with 9 weeks of belongings and expensive instruments broken into. I love that she also included her 14-year-old daughter, who was playing the piano with her. Listening to them was such a delight! And I loved their dresses.

29389089_1796523313989392_869140572839870464_nThe last speaker of the night was Tim Ballard. His story was the most emotional of the night. He has a nonprofit organization called Operation Underground Railroad. He and his team rescue children all over the world from sex trafficking. The story he told us was of a bishop in Haiti whose baby boy was taken from him and no one was able to help him. So Tim Ballard looked into it and found where he would have been taken and, to make a long story short, he rescued 28 children from being sold. Sadly, the bishop’s son had already been sold and still, a couple of years later, has not been found. The bishop did end up adopting 8 of the children who were rescued, though. And Tim ended up adopting 2 more, and it’s been a long process because of international adoption policies but they are coming home this week finally.

29365497_1796523823989341_4389166932507492352_oSaturday was another great day with amazing speakers. We started with a woman named Jenny Reeder, who is a church historian. She shared several stories of women in the bible as well as in church history that we didn’t know the full details about. She also shared her story of how she battled cancer 3 times in her life and how she had to come to terms with being infertile because of all the radiation. Her story was touching and, of course, brought tears to my eyes because I, too, may not be able to have children. I know that I still do have a possibility of conceiving but I still feel her pain.

29356713_1796523403989383_5012231331262758912_nThe next speaker was Alissa Parker. Alissa’s daughter Emily was a victim in the Sandy Hook shooting and has since co-founded Safe and Sound Schools. I may not be a mother but hearing her speak made me cry more than any other speaker the whole weekend. I’m not a mother but I love children and I have nieces and nephews. I can only imagine how I would feel if something like this happened to one of them. When I hear stories involving children, my heart breaks. The world is can be a dark place and when I hear these stories it reminds me just how dark. There was something she said that stuck with me. It was about when she gave her anger and sadness of the shooter to God she felt a weight lift from her. It made me realize that I never truly forgave the driver who killed my grandpa. I have internally held onto it, still a little upset with this stranger who I will never meet. But if Alissa can give her anger to God and let it go, so can I. And of course, that made me cry more.

29388402_1796523370656053_149983822799175680_nWe had the opportunity to hear from City of Enoch, a LDS musical group. Their stories and voices really touched me. They actually sang one of my favorite songs, which I recorded and will add the video at the end. Each of them became new parents in 2017 (I think that’s what they said) and 2 of them are expecting their second children this year. Listening to their songs really touched my soul and I hope that more people are able to experience their music because it is so enlightening! I could listen to them all day every day because it’s just that amazing and I hope you find as much joy in their music as I have.

29386614_1796523413989382_7812373145796476928_nThe next speakers were Tamu Smith and Zandra Vranes. They are Sistas in Zion and boy are they funny. I loved listening to them and learning about how sisters can come from anywhere at any time. And that we are each like mitch match socks and together we are a pair. I love that! They were actually wearing mitch match socks, too! You can tell, just from hearing them, that they love each other and the church. I loved Zandra’s spunkiness and Tamu’s testimony. Tamu is actually from Fresno and hasn’t been back in a long while so it was nice to hear from a local. I do wish they had talked more but I loved hearing from them for the time they had. I know I’ll be checking out their website now, that’s for sure!

29365970_1796523353989388_3546723945099034624_nOur last speaker was Elaine S. Dalton, who was the Young Women’s president for a few years. I remember listening to her quite often. I had never heard her in person, though, so it was nice. I loved how shiny her dress was, and I think it perfectly represents who she is. She is so lively and fun and funny. I loved when she talked about being grumpy now. She used a story from her granddaughter and how she was grumpy because she wanted more pita. And she related that to how we are sometimes grumpy and it’s ok. It’s normal to have those bad days but don’t let those grumpy days become who you are or define you. You are not a grumpy person, you just had a rough day and aren’t happy today. You will have a better day tomorrow, though!

This experience was a great one and I feel like I really needed it. I am grateful I got to go and if you ever have the opportunity to attend, do it. It will change you. I know the price can be kinda steep but it’s so worth it!

As always, thank you for coming to my blog. If you have ever attended or plan to attend TOFW, post your thoughts below. We want to hear from you. Stay tuned for more posts each week! Now enjoy a couple songs by City of Enoch! The first one is the song I recorded so I apologize for the poor quality.

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“Sometimes it’s hard to see the rainbow when there’s been endless days of rain.” ―Christina Greer

pcosI know many of you are still confused about all that is going on in my life.Which is why I decided to make a blog post about one specific aspect of my life that many are ignorant on, through no fault of their own.

In August of last year, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), view my post on that here. Of course, I had no idea what it was, no one I knew had ever mentioned having it nor was it in the media like cancer or diabetes. What even is PCOS? What does it mean to have it? What are complications that arise from PCOS? Will I be ok? What can I do to make sure it doesn’t get worse? I had all of these questions and more. I was harboring them inside of me and I was afraid to let everyone know because I was worried enough, I didn’t want to worry anyone else. The couple people I actually opened up to just brushed it off as nothing. But sadly, it’s not nothing. It’s something bigger than we all thought. In my previous post I really just spoke about what the symptoms were and added a list of famous people who also have PCOS. This time I am going to give you a few things that I have learned since then.

  • pcos plateAvoiding gluten and dairy help
  • A low GI diet is important
  • Being active is vital, strength training as well as cardio
  • Losing weight (when overweight) helps immensely. According to PCOS for Dummies, “If you are an overweight woman with PCOS, even a modest weight loss of 5 percent leads to
    1. A decrease in your insulin level
    2. An improvement in your menstrual cycle (or acts as a trigger for it to start again)
    3. Reduced testosterone levels, leading to reductions in hirsutism and acne
  • Every issue I’ve been dealing with (digestive issues, depression, acne, weight gain, irregular menstruation, vitamin D deficiency, and many other things) are linked together with PCOS
  • 75% of women with PCOS have a relative with PCOS as well

I have made a whole board on Pinterest full of helpful stuff for managing PCOS, which you can find here. I also have a board for gluten/dairy free recipes and foods that you can visit here. I will be attempting to be gluten and dairy free, though I know it will take time. I am starting off small. Right now, I am focusing on following the PCOS plate so we will see how this goes.

I hope this helped everyone understand at least a little bit about what is going on inside of me. I also hope this helps everyone have a better understanding of my diet, so if I say I can’t have something it’s not because I don’t like it. I want to help my body be happy.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog! I hope you come back to read more. If you still have questions, check out the image and video below. I will talk more about PCOS later so please don’t think I’m leaving you out to dry. Stay tuned!

pcos1

“Do not be afraid to ask for help. Nobody gets through college on their own.” -Michelle Obama

downloadCollege in and of itself is stressful, everyone knows that. Between homework, tests, reading, and your outside life there is so much to do. There are also many outside factors that could push back your estimated completion date. It’s a bummer when life gets in the way of what you want to do but it happens and there may be nothing you can do about it.

I started college in fall of 2011 at a community college and my life took a turn that I had not expected. The guy I had been in love with since I was 17 chose another woman over me. This caused my math grade to suffer and I failed the course. In spring of 2012 I moved out on my own and started volunteering more and started focusing less on my education, like not doing all of my homework. I failed my math class a second time, my astronomy class, and political science.

280px-Chevrolet_Metro_sedanFall of 2012 was definitely the worst semester of all, however. I enrolled in 2 English courses, history, tennis (because PE is required), photography, and child development. In this semester I started getting a fever almost every other week starting the second week of school. The doctors didn’t know what issue was so it was never addressed. I was also in 2 car accidents, neither being the fault of my own. The day after my second accident, that basically totalled my Geo Metro LSi, my aunt and uncle moved out-of-state. Next, my long-term boyfriend and I broke up, I was sexually assaulted by my neighbor, and I moved into Hector’s parent’s house. Due to all of this, I stopped going to school and failed all of my classes. It was also at this time that I decided to go on a mission.

My mission resulted in me taking 2 years off of school, which is what I thought I needed. When I returned, I started taking 2 classes each semester. I was doing wonderfully there for a bit. But then in 2016, Hector and I moved to L.A. and I had to transfer. This pushed my education back further. I was actually scheduled to be done this semester but I, again, dropped all of my classes and I left to Missouri for a month to clear my head. This my graduation date being pushed again. I went back to L.A. because I knew I wanted to finish my degrees but I was once again sexually assaulted at my place of residence by a neighbor and I had no choice but to move.

I am now enrolled in my third community college and I believe that if I stick with it, I will completely done next spring semester. It took a long time but I’m getting there. It will be a joyous occasion that you will all hear about (hopefully next year). Next stop? Bachelor’s degree!

Thank you all for visiting my blog, as always. I hope you enjoy your view of my thoughts. If you have any comments, concerns, or questions please post them below.

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.” -Helen Keller

26994833_1771124659862591_1429434973_n          Life is full of surprises. Some of those surprises are good, some are bad and we never know when they are coming. The thing you have to remember, though, is that they happen for a reason.

Lately, my life has been twisted and turned upside down. When I felt like I was at rock bottom, it shifted and I fell deeper. I was talking to a good friend recently about my struggles and this is what he said to me,

26996560_1771124649862592_130041946_n“There’s always worse. You think you’ve hit rock bottom but there’s always lower. But guess what…You can keep going higher, too, Once you start climbing again, you’ll think you could never be happier but then things keep getting better.”

Those of you who suffer with depression, those of you who are battling life’s biggest challenges, those of you who are looking for the light in the dark….you are not alone. It seems like it will never end. It seems 26994720_1771124683195922_1436369907_nlike things will never get better. I promise you they will. Just stay positive. Trust me, I know it’s hard. I have difficulty sometimes, too. It’s even harder when I can’t handle my depression anymore and I have to just lay in bed and cry. We all fall on hard times but they don’t define who we are, it’s what we do in those hard times. Just know that you are loved and every battle has to end sometime, even if it feels like it never will.

This post may not help you at all but I know music can be powerful. I encourage you to listen to the following songs. Be strong, be brave, be you.

 

27140430_1771124653195925_550787904_o          As always, thank you for visiting. Please comment below if you want to talk through your struggles or if you want to give words of encouragement to someone who may be struggling. I hope you see just how strong you are and just how strong you’ve always been.

“You save yourself or you remain unsaved.” ―Alice Sebold

First off, happy new year everyone! Usually this time of year I would do a post about my goals for this year. Instead, I decided to make a post about something that needs to be addressed because it happens all too often to men and women. This post is a very hot topic and as always I will do my best to provide ample resources for my readers.

rapeThe definition of rape, taken directly from dictionary.com, is as follows:

Noun:
1. unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of thevagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by asex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.
2. statutory rape.
3. an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation: the rape of the countryside.
4. Archaic. the act of seizing and carrying off by force.

timeSexual assault of any kind is nothing to joke about. It is a serious thing and it is very real. It’s so serious that Time Magazine made victims their Person of the Year for 2017. It’s amazing how much progress has been made to prevent sexual assault but still astounding how far we have left to go. Girls are still being told they are sexual objects at a young age. Women are still blamed because their clothing screamed they wanted it. Men are told that they can’t be victims. Men are told to suck it up and that they really actually liked it. Victims continue to be to blame while the perp goes free. How do we fix this? That’s what I went in search of to find the answers I needed.

sexual-assault-awareness-3One major thing I know that can be changed is over sexualizing females. Yes, I know it happens to males as well but it’s overly done to women and it’s sick. We can’t do anything without being called a slut or other derogatory names.

For more on prevention, visit the following links

Rape Prevention and Education

Rape Prevention Tips

Initiatives to prevent sexual violence

Rape Prevention and Education Resources

I know that this is hard to read about and you may even be a victim of sexual assault. If you are, just know you are never alone. Just remember the #metoo campaign, there are thousands of us out there.As always, I’m glad you are here. If you have anything to add to this, please feel free to comment below. If you need a pick me up, watch the video below and remember that I am here if you need to talk.

“This is who I am. I’m not perfect. I don’t want to try to be perfect.” -Michael Strahan

Sometimes things happen when you least expect them to. Like winning a drawing, finding a lucky penny on the ground, or your friend getting a divorce. Life is crazy sometimes. And I’m sure that you all know that. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading my blog.

Why do I bring this up? Because I am finally bringing everyone up to date on my life. This post will probably leave you with many questions but it will also answer many of the questions you are currently too afraid to ask.

judgeI’ve decided that I am done hiding from people’s’ judgement. I’m done pretending to be someone I’m not. I’m done lying to everyone I know just so I can make them happy. So, here it all goes. And please, hold your judgement until the end. I know I’m not the best person in the world and I don’t need to blast my entire life on the internet but I feel like my family and friends deserve to know. This will be a very long post so sit tight, maybe make some popcorn or whatever your go-to snack is.

In 2010 (yes, a back story is vital) I came home from summer camp and had a message from my dad. He asked if I had ever talked to my brothers and sister (Mark, Shawn, Kevin, Janelle, and Ryan). After living in Fresno for the better part of 10 years, he asks if I had ever hung out with them. He had never once in my 18 years told me that they were only a few short miles away from where I had grown up. So I did what any sane person in the 21st century would do and I looked them up on Facebook. I only found one of them, my brother Kevin. He’s a really awesome guy. We began talking and set a date to meet. He convinced our sister, Janelle, to also meet me.

Janelle h 2So, one sunday after church, Kevin picked me up and took me to his house. His wife and son were there and eager to meet me. We hung out for a bit until my sister and her boyfriend finally showed up and we began playing a board game until it was time for me to go home. For a few years, I had only met the two of them. My other 3 brothers were not as ready to meet in person, I guess. To this day, I still haven’t met Ryan or Mark.

janelle hAnyway, in the spring of 2012 I was taking a particularly difficult class. I needed help with it and My sister’s boyfriend offered to tutor me. We met up like once but I felt uncomfortable so I didn’t let him tutor me anymore.

Fall semester of 2012 comes around, I had just gotten out of a 6 month relationship. It was October and my favorite holiday was right around the corner. I posted on Facebook that I had nothing to do on Halloween and how I was really bummed because it was my favorite. Well, my sister’s boyfriend sent me a message offering to take me to a haunted house. If you know me, I love haunted houses. So I excitedly agreed. I then found out that he was no longer my sister’s boyfriend….and we hung out that night and he kissed me. I let him because I missed being close with a male. My previous relationship was great and I was the one who screwed things up. And Kissing this guy, my sister’s ex boyfriend, ruined things even farther. My ex was willing to forgive me but then when I told him I went out with someone else, it was all over. Two days later, I was in a hotel room with this man.

hector.jpgThis man’s name is Hector. Shocker, I know. We didn’t actually decide to be a couple until after Thanksgiving. And then at the beginning of December, I stayed with him because I was sexually assaulted in my apartment complex and no longer felt safe there. Then at the beginning of January I went back to stay with my family. I didn’t want anyone to meet Hector. I was ashamed because he was so much older and he was awkward. I didn’t want people to know we were dating. Then at the beginning of March, I went on a mission for my church.

Halfway through my mission, I sent him a letter saying I didn’t want to be with him. It wasn’t right and I felt strongly that it needed to end. I then started talked to an elder who was serving his mission on the opposite side of the country. He was my dream guy. Until things started to turn sexual.

I got home in September of 2014. I saw Hector two weeks later. I stayed the night at his house and I knew I shouldn’t have. And I panicked and demanded that we get married. Two months later I was living with him.

I married him for selfish reasons. Of course I loved him. But I loved him for selfish reasons. And it took me a long time to realize that. I hurt him too many times since we;ve been married and I know that he blames himself but it really is more on me.

Almost 3 years after being married, we’re getting a divorce. I know that it seems sudden and like it was totally out of the blue. But it wasn’t. We started having issues that we couldn’t work through long ago. And it really is better for the both of us if we aren’t together anymore. We will be much happier and at peace this way.

I know that you have a million questions. Like what did I do to hurt him? Why was I so selfish? Where are we going in life now? What is next in my life? There are many things that I cannot put into words here. But I want you all to know the truth because I think you deserve to know that we are no longer together as well as a little bit behind it.

meI know that I was selfish. And I’m working on that. I’m working on myself. I’m sorry to Hector’s friends and family who may read this. I’m sorry to those who I let down. I’m sorry, but I’m also not sorry. We all do things we aren’t proud of. I just keep doing it. You may not be happy about it but I am who I am and I can’t change the past. I can only decide not to continue on the same path I was on. Like it or not, this is who I am. I’m a college student who failed out of school and decided to try again. I smoked cigarettes when I was 5 years old but vowed I would never touch anything like that again. I hurt people I loved very dearly and I never want to hurt anyone that way again. I am an almost 26-year-old soon-to-be divorcee but I won’t let that stop me from finding true love. I am homeless and broke but I have friends who hold me up when I am broken so I know things will be ok. I’m ok. Even if I’m not ok now, I will be. Because I know that my life is what I make of it. And if you are religious, you need to watch the following videos.

As always, thank you for coming to my blog. I hope this answered your questions. I still love my readers and I hope you come back to read about the goings on in my life. Until then, have a wonderful week. And if you have anything you’d like to say, comment below.

 

“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.” -Robin Williams

Forget about my 26 before 26 list! Here is my new and improved 30 before 30 list…

25319884_1756491134659277_1436553091_o

  1. Read at least 30 books
  2. Learn to let go of the past
  3. Love myself again
  4. Go white water rafting
  5. Grow out my hair
  6. Reach and maintain a healthy weight
  7. Take a cooking class
  8. Finish and publish my book
  9. Fall in love with life
  10. Go backpacking for a week
  11. Revamp my personal style
  12. Forgive people who hurt me
  13. Do something that absolutely terrifies me
  14. Learn a new skill
  15. Get and keep a job I enjoy
  16. Visit a state or country I’ve never been to
  17. Let love happen
  18. Get a cat or dog
  19. Find God again
  20. Keep up with my blog
  21. Go to a concert
  22. Learn some sign language
  23. Find beauty in the mundane
  24. Get in touch with old friends
  25. Learn to enhance my beauty
  26. Meet with a chiroproctor
  27. Brighten someone’s day
  28. Learn yoga
  29. Follow Marie Kondo’s rules for tidying up
  30. Be positive, always.

If you made it all the way through my list, you probably have questions. Let me give you a little background on how and why I came up with these items, one by one.

  1. I’m sure many of you know by now that I love reading. I always have a goal to read a certain number of books in a certain amount of time. I never reach that goal. For example, for my 26 before 26 list, I had a goal of reading 26 books. Insane, right? 26 books in one year is a far reach for me and I know that. It was crazy to make that goal. You may think that 30 books before I’ 30 is a big goal as well, but I’m giving myself 5 years! I’m counting the books I already read this year, because why not. Just so you all know, I finished 7 books this year so far.
  2. Learning to let go of the past is something that we all need to do in life. Some of us realise early on that our past holds us back. For me, it took a long while. But I figured it out! Better late than never, right?
  3. Self love is vital. We can’t get far in life if we don’t love ourselves. I’ve been feeling down about myself, the way I look, everything. It’s unhealthy and I want it to end.
  4. White water rafting is something I’ve wanted to do since I was a teenager but never had the chance to do. I will be doing it in the next 4 years, though. No excuses.
  5. Growing out my hair kinda goes with self love. It makes me feel better about myself when I have long, healthy hair.
  6. My weight is my main source of low self-esteem. I don’t feel good when I look at myself in the mirror. I’m overweight and I know that. But I am ready to make a change.
  7. I want to take a cooking class because, well, why not? It’s something fun to do in the community.
  8. Finishing my book is something I’ve talked about for YEARS. And I do mean years. Maybe 5 years? Probably more. It’s high time I stopped saying it and just do it.
  9. I want to love my life. People say that there is nothing about life to love but oh are they wrong. I want to love the life I live. I don’t have to love what’s going on in the world but I do want to love what I do, say, feel, experience. I want to feel optimistic in all things.
  10. If you check out the Wilderness Girl tab, you know that I was supposed to go backpacking this past summer with my best friends in the whole world, Michaela. But I landed my job at Universal so that didn’t happen. Instead, We pushed it back. Well, it will happen and I can’t wait for it. Maybe this summer? Who knows!
  11. I have a personal style board on Pinterest of things I would love to wear but I hate shopping for clothes because I feel so ugly in so many things. I hate most of my wardrobe but I don’t want to but new things because I want to lose weight first. It’s a never ending cycle…or it was. I’m breaking that cycle this year!
  12. I have held on to pain for too long, I need to let it all go.
  13. We’re supposed to do something every day that scares us, right? Well, what about the things that absolutely terrify us? I’m doing that sometime in the next couple years.
  14. I want to learn a new skill, I’m not sure what that skill is yet but I want to learn it!
  15. I loved my job at Universal so much, unfortunately it just wasn’t in the cards to keep it. I am on the hunt for a job I enjoy just as much, if not more.
  16. Like most people, I love to travel. I want to visit a state, or country (Canada?) that I’ve never been to because why not?
  17. Let love happen. Don’t force it.
  18. I want a cat or dog so bad. I love them, I miss my cat Socks so much.
  19. Finding God again is one that may have thrown people off. This one I can’t really explain without going to personal and I just can’t do that today. In another blog post maybe. But not today.
  20. Keep up with my blog. I’ve said it time and time again. I’ve failed, time and time again. I am determined. I started off strong this year, though so I’m improving!
  21. I’ve gone to one concert, Raven Symone at the Fresno Fair. I want to go to a big concert, like Imagine Dragons or Taylor Swift.
  22. Sign language is a very powerful language. I want to learn so that I can comunicate with people who are hard of hearing.
  23. I think there is hidden beauty in everything and I intend to find it.
  24. Have you ever told someone that you’d keep in touch and then never do? Well, I have and I want to keep that. I am determined to keep in touch with them.
  25. Enhancing beauty isn’t all centered around makeup. It’s also about how you dress, how you carry yourself, everything.
  26. I have issues that I would like addressed by a chiropractor. It’s pretty self explanatory, I think.
  27. Who doesn’t want to brighten someone else’s day?
  28. I have friends who do yoga and I want to learn.
  29. I started the Marie Kondo rules but never finished because so much stuff was in storage. Then I just gave up.
  30. Always being positive is probably the hardest. I am trying, though. That’s why matters. I want to be an optimist not a pessimist.

If you have a 30 before 30 list, share with us below what you have. As always, thank you for visiting my blog. Until next time!

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have left.” ―Ziad K. Abdelnour

A few months ago I went to the gynecologist only to come out with some shocking news. You never want to hear any statement that begins with “You have….” and continues on to say something that you have. Especially when it’s an incurable thing

I’ve always wondered if there was something there but someone always had an answer for my issues. I’ve wondered why I have never been menstruating regularly. “Oh, that’s normal.” Why did I started gaining weight so easily after puberty and haven’t been able to work it off, just gain more? “Oh, it’s just hormones.” I’ve wondered why so much of my hair comes out in the shower EVERY DAY. “Everyone sheds hair everyday.” Why was I suddenly suffering with depression? “Well, you have gone through a lot of trauma in your life.” Why do I grow hair where I shouldn’t? “Many women have facial hair, it’s pretty normal.” Why can I never fall asleep at night? “You’re not active enough during the day.”

Someone always had an answer to come back with for every question I ever asked so I eventually stopped asking. Until the other day. I didn’t ask the questions but I finally got the answer to them from her. “You have PCOS, you are the definition of it. How did no one talk to you about this before?”

I know what you are thinking, what on earth is PCOS? Well, it stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and it is the leading cause of female infertility. There are over 200,000 cases in the US alone! And many women go undiagnosed, like I was.

Here are a list of symptoms found on the official website for PCOS:

Women with PCOS typically have irregular or missed periods as a result of not ovulating. Although some women may develop cysts on their ovaries, many women do not.

Other symptoms include:

  • Weight gain. About half of women with PCOS will have weight gain and obesity that is difficult to manage.
  • Fatigue. Many women with PCOS report increased fatigue and low energy. Related issues such as poor sleep may contribute to the feeling of fatigue.
  • Unwanted hair growth (also known as hirsutism). Areas affected by excess hair growth may include the face, arms, back, chest, thumbs, toes, and abdomen. Hirsutism  related to PCOS is due to hormonal changes in androgens.
  • Thinning hair on the head. Hair loss related to PCOS may increase in middle age.
  • Infertility. PCOS is a leading cause of female infertility. However, not every woman with PCOS is the same. Although some women may need the assistance of fertility treatments, others are able to conceive naturally.
  • Acne. Hormonal changes related to androgens can lead to acne problems. Other skin changes such as the development of skin tags and darkened patches of skin are also related to PCOS.
  • Mood changes. Having PCOS can increase the likelihood of mood swings, depression, and anxiety.
  • Pelvic pain. Pelvic pain may occur with periods, along with heavy bleeding. It may also occur when a woman isn’t bleeding.
  • Headaches. Hormonal changes prompt headaches.
  • Sleep problems. Women with PCOS often report problems such as insomnia or poor sleep. There are many factors that can affect sleep, but PCOS has been linked to a sleep disorder called sleep apnea.  With sleep apnea, a person will stop breathing for short periods of time during sleep.

As you can see, symptoms of PCOS are not pleasant. But that is exactly why women’s health care is so important. We need to help people with incurable ailments, such as this, as well as curable ones.

Though it isn’t curable, there are treatment options. Of course, the number one treatment is being place on birth control to stabilize your menstrual cycle. Often times, women get placed on metformin as well to help with various symptoms. I have not been placed on either. There is a pill that a doctor can give you if you haven’t menstruated in the last 90 days to cause you to menstruate so your body can clean itself out. This is what I will be taking if need be.

I know celebrities are a big part of our society so here is a small list of famous women who has struggled with PCOS:

  • Jillian Michaels

  • Emma Thompson

  • Victoria Beckham

  • Rebecca Atkinson

  • Jools Oliver

  • Sasha Pieterse

There is an entire month devoted to PCOS awareness, September. I wish I had known sooner that way I could participate but now I know for next month. But until then, if you see a teal ribbon anywhere, it’s for PCOS.

pcos-ribbon-md

         As always, thank you for reading my post and I hope this has helped you understand PCOS and how it can affect you. If you think you might have it, talk to your doctor right away.

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“Have no fear These are nowhere near The best years of your life” -Brad Paisley

Dear 16-year-old Carra,

16          Your life will change in the next year and I know it will be hard. Just remember that there are people who love you and are here for you. You will be able to grow and learn so much because you will be getting out of your comfort zone. You’ll lose people you love, you’ll move twice in one year, and you’ll grow closer to Heavenly Father.
When given the opportunity to go see Mountain Grove High School, you’ll do it, you’ll meet the counselor and come out of the meeting ready to move. Actually ask questions this time, don’t be afraid. It’ll be exciting but sad. Leaving your friends will be hard, it is worth it.
See your mom before you move. It’ll eat at you if you don’t. She wanted to say 16 3goodbye but you left before she could. Also, spend more time packing and less time playing. You’ll have a week to pack all of your stuff. Make sure you put Whoonu in a safe spot so you don’t lose it because if you don’t you’ll find out it’s $60 when you’re looking into buying it again.
There will be many boys interested in you, say no to all of them. I mean it, all of them. Don’t even text Casey after Christmas, you’ll thank me later. Boys are no good and you deserve better than all of them. Having Dakota as a friend is enough, he’s a nice guy. But seriously, do not date any of them.
16 1          Don’t give your friend Megan money because you’ll never get it back. Also, don’t spend your first week not eating and hiding in the bathroom at lunchtime. Make friends.You will become really good friends with the girl who you have almost every class with, her name is Shelby. She’ll introduce you to people and you’ll become “popular” because everyone in your grade knows you.
When your English class gets into a discussion about Mormons, don’t be afraid to turn it into a teaching moment. Straightening out the lies will help them in the long run. Tell Derek that chocolate doesn’t destroy your soul, tell Rachel that we are Christian, stun everyone because they had no idea there was a Mormon in the class. You can do it, don’t be shy.
Another thing to consider is your career project in Personal Finance. You’re 16 2thinking about doing it on OB GYN. Don’t. That’s not really what you want to be, you want to be a teacher or a writer. Don’t pick OB GYN just because it makes more money and it goes with what your classmates are doing. Be yourself Carra, it’s ok.
Finally, don’t yell at your grandparents. You’re going to miss them one day and all of those times you screamed and fought will flood your mind for a time. Try to see it from their point of view. Also, learn all you can from grandma, make it a point to cook with her. Ask her about her life. If you don’t, you’ll regret it later in life.
You are a very smart, beautiful, and caring young woman. Don’t let anyone change that or tell you different. Stay close to your family, spend time with them. Garden with grandma, play pool with grandpa. You’ll miss out on all of that if you don’t. They love you and I love you. Stay strong.

Sincerely,
25-year-old Carra

“How often are we to die before we go quite off this stage? In every friend we lose a part of ourselves, and the best part.” -Alexander Pope

As we get older, our lives change. The things were valued when we were 5 are not the same things we valued at 16 and the things we valued at 16 are, most likely, different from the things we value most in our adulthood. We may move away from home, experience the death of a loved one, or even the birth of our own children. Some changes are hard to cope with while others are accepted with open arms. One of the more difficult ones that I have recently dealt with is loosing a dear friend.

As we age, we find that the friends we had in high school are probably going to go on different paths in life from you. Every once in a while we find that one friend, sometimes two, who stick with us through all of those changes. They’re what we all call our best friend. You don’t see anyway that would make your friendship end because you’re just too close. But then, life throws you a curve ball and you’re leaving her house at midnight because she hurt you in an unforgivable way. You go days, weeks, months without saying a word to her. You see that she’s happy, even with you gone, while you’re trying hard to stop the flow of tears. It’s not a happy time in your life. It’s harder than when the guy you were in love with broke up with you. She knows all of your secrets, she’s the one you talked to when anything (big or little) happened in your life and all you want it to have that again. But you can’t. You can’t have that again because she broke your heart in a way you never thought possible.

17238931_1647987095509682_603771781_nIf you’ve never experienced such a pain as I just described, then you are very lucky. I actually experienced this more than once. The first time started in high school. After several years of barely talking, we are actually on good terms. We are not where we used to be, we may never get there, but we are still friends and we do care about each other. The second time happened on March 4, 2017. I won’t go into details but when I was verbally attacked by two people I thought were supposed to be my friends. I wasn’t going to sit around and let it happen so I left. I left the house in the middle of the night and walked down the street. I left all of my stuff that I had with me, I had no jacket, I didn’t even have any plans. I just made a couple of phone calls until I found someone able to pick me up and take me out of there. I felt numb. Not just from being cold but from the torture I was just put through. The one person I trusted with my life, let me down.

I haven’t talked to her, I can’t. There’s nothing left to say. I still very much care about her but I just can’t get over what I was put through. At least not right now. I spent three days crying off and on because of it. My heart is aching. But the words that were said cannot be taken back. Nor will they even try. Them wanting me to accept their harsh words is more important that friendship, which hurt even more when I was told that.

I’m not posting this to call anyone out or to get sympathy from my readers. I am posting this because I want my readers to know that you are not alone in the pain you feel after losing your best friend. I’m not the first person to every experience this and I most certainly will not be the last.

I decided to do a bit of research on dealing with a “Best Friend Breakup” and I was pleasantly surprised that there was a lot out there on Google pertaining to the topic. Here are a few things that I took away from my Google search:

  1. “Friend breakups tend to go unacknowledged, which can contribute to why people suffer so much from them. When the public response is ‘Eh, it happens,’ you feel like you shouldn’t be mourning as much as you are.” (How to Deal—and Heal—When a Friend Breaks Up With You)
  2. The closer you were to the friend you broke up with, the more you’re going to hurt. So give yourself adequate grieving time. (How to Deal—and Heal—When a Friend Breaks Up With You)
  3. Don’t get down on yourself if you find that you need more time. (How to Deal—and Heal—When a Friend Breaks Up With You)
  4. Try not to disavow all the good times you and your former friend had. (How to Deal—and Heal—When a Friend Breaks Up With You)
  5. The 13 steps on wikiHow to Get Over the Loss of a Best Friend
  6.  Buzzfeed’s article “17 Things Anyone Who’s Ever Had A Friend Breakup Knows
  7. Let yourself cry it out (Surviving a Friendship Break Up)
  8. Write a letter to your friend that you never intend to send (Surviving a Friendship Break Up)
  9. It may seem obvious, but don’t force your other friends to take sides. Get comfortable with the fact that they may still spend a great deal of time with your ex-gal pal and that this is no reflection on you. (Surviving a Friendship Break Up)
  10. Just like dating, sometimes you have to be the one to take the first step (Surviving a Friendship Break Up)
  11. Put yourself first and make sure you are getting plenty of sleep, eating well and sticking to your usual routine. (Friend breakups are the worst – here’s how to handle them)
  12. You’ll need to surround yourself with other friends and family if you have lost a close friend, and it’s important to keep up with your social commitments, so that you don’t sit at home feeling increasingly depressed and isolated. (Friend breakups are the worst – here’s how to handle them)
  13. It’s normal to sit around going over things in your head and wondering what went wrong – this is how we grieve the loss of a person in our lives and it’s an important part of the healing process. (Friend breakups are the worst – here’s how to handle them)
  14. Be optimistic and remember that just because you have lost a friendship, doesn’t mean there won’t be more opportunities for new friends in your life! (Friend breakups are the worst – here’s how to handle them)
  15. If you are struggling to come to terms with the friend-shaped hole in your life, talking to other friends and family members can help you get some perspective. If you’re feeling really low, seek support from a counsellor or therapist (Friend breakups are the worst – here’s how to handle them)
  16. Don’t spill secrets that the two of you once had. (8 Ways To Survive A Best Friend Breakup)
  17. Don’t look at their social media. Like most break ups, when you look at their social media you’ll see that they went out with a different group of girls and jealousy will strike. (8 Ways To Survive A Best Friend Breakup)

I promise it will get better. It takes time but healing will come. I’m not there yet but I know I will be. Just like when a relationship ends, this friends breakup won’t end the world. There are people who want to be there for you, even if it doesn’t seem like it. I’m here for you.

If you have your own tips for healing after a best friends breakup, please comment below. I’d love to read them! As always, thank you for coming to my blog! Hit the follow button to stay up to date on all things in the life.