Hello readers! I hope you all had a fantastic weekend, I know I did. My spring break has ended and it’s back to school for me, and many others. Today I want to touch on a topic that I have been hesitant to bring up. Let me go refer you back to my 30 before 30 list (I do that a lot lately, I know).
As I mentioned, number 19 probably threw people for a loop. I’m a returned missionary, why should I need to “find God again?” Well, today I have decided to open my heart to you all. In turn, I hope you can open your hearts and minds, as well.
In 2014 I came home from my mission and went home to a new ward. A ward that I only went to I think twice? I didn’t feel at home. And then I moved in with Hector (see my Author intro for info on him) after Thanksgiving because I couldn’t stand being where I was any longer. I went to church maybe once or twice before we got married in May. I went from being Christ centered 24/7 to nothing just like that. I was part of the 50% of RMs that go inactive. I got a stern talking to before I left my mission from one of my ward mission leaders, “You better not become part of the 50% Sister Miller.” I thought about his words a lot at the beginning but they rang in my ears less and less over time.
After Hector and I got married, we went to church a few times and then didn’t go anymore. Then the sisters started coming over and meeting with us, it was wonderful. I missed it, I truly did. And then sisters did a drop lesson because he wasn’t willing to progress. So we went to church less, once again. Then we moved to Studio City and I think we went a total of 5 times in the 2 years we were there.
Well, then I went to Missouri for a month and avoided going to church. I wanted to, I just didn’t feel right. Stupid, I know. I returned to L.A. for a month but didn’t attend church or anything. Then I had a traumatic experience occur and moved in with my best friend. I thought about going to church but felt so broken. I didn’t want to reach out to any one. I felt like a failure, though I know that’s not true.
Well, going to Time Out For Women changed something. I finally went to church a few weeks ago. It was like going home after being gone for so long. Everyone in my ward here is so loving. They are so understanding about my divorce, they all want to talk to me. I even had dinner at the bishop’s house tonight.
I am not perfect, I never claimed to be. I’m still learning and growing, as everyone should be. And I am going to church again. I’m done being broken and feeling alone. I finally found home after my mission, it just took me a long time. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, and I need to remember that.
Also, I have City of Enoch to thank for keeping me going. I have been constantly listening to their album on Spotify and they lift me up when I’m down. I am proud to say that I am Mormon. It is part of me, it’s who I am. I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father and I needed to remember that.
I found an article from 2013 that I think everyone should read, it is a great read about how some returned missionaries go inactive. View it here. And listen to the songs below…actually, just listen to City of Enoch’s entire album, it’s great!
As always, thank you for visiting my blog. Please know that I am truly pouring my soul out in my blog posts, especially ones like this one. I am also here to listen to anything you all have to say. If you have anything you’d like to bring up, please comment below. I love hearing from you!