Hello everyone! I hope you had a wonderful weekend and that this week is also great for you. I know it’s only Monday but ever since my mission, I’ve seen Monday in a different light.
Anyway, today I want to talk about depression. I know I’ve posted about it before but it has been a good minute since I really dove into it.
As many of you know, I have depression. I’ll be the first to admit it, there’s no reason to hide it. In fact, letting people know you have depression may help them. They may be struggling with it, too, but didn’t know how you would feel about it so they never told anyone. By no means do I shout it from the roof tops but I don’t hide it.
Of course, there was a time when I did hide it. I knew something was off for a very long time and I brought it up once with my family and I was told it was nothing and that if I went to a doctor about it, I would just be put on medication for the rest of my life. So, for years I didn’t say anything. Not until I moved out. Then I felt okay to go talk to a doctor. As predicted, I was put on medication. The great thing? It actually worked! I was feeling good finally.
That didn’t last, though. From what I had been told by my family, I felt ashamed and I hid it. I eventually stopped taking the medication.
Not too long after that, I went on my mission. I was feeling fine for about a year…then half way into my mission, it hit me hard. I was put back on them and was feeling great again.
That didn’t last, though. As soon as I was back at home, I stopped again. I didn’t want my family to see me taking medication. Stupid, I know. I didn’t take anything for about another year. I finally started taking them again after i was married and what not. And, as predicted, I felt great. And I kept taking them.
That is, until a year ago. I have no way to get them or pay for them so I don’t take anything now. Should I? Yes, absolutely! But with the cost of everything, I can’t. What I am able to do, though, is see a counselor. My bishop at church set me up with a great counselor and he helped me a lot in the first session.
Moral of my story? Don’t be afraid to talk to those you love. If they truly care about you, they will make sure you get the help you need. Depression and other mental health disorders are no joke. If you need medication, don’t stress. If you don’t need it, that’s great, too. You need to do what’s best for you. And your loved ones will have your back.
As always, thank you for visiting my blog. Comment below of you stuggle with a mental illness and how you handle it. I hope you keep coming back for more content!
I woke up late today and had to rush to get ready to head to school with a friend. I have an interview later and I couldn’t find my brush and nothing was going right. I felt like I was failing everything. The was supposed to start off good, I was supposed to be excited about this upcoming interview. But instead, I was thinking about how ugly I was going to look because I had to rush. I was thinking about how I didn’t prepare enough so I was going to fail the interview. I was being all around negative and hateful to myself.
Have you ever felt like you hated yourself, for one reason or another? Where does it all come from? When does it all start? Babies don’t come out hating themselves, right? Is it taught? Is it embedded in our genes? Thankfully, I found several articles to help me understand all of this.
However, I want to start by dispelling a myth that has changed the world. What is that myth? Well, many people today believe that girls get their negative self-image from dolls and cartoons they watch. For example, Dora the Explorer and other iconic kids shows used to be rounder in size (because they’re kids) but people were claiming their size was making their kids obese. Seriously? No, you want to know where I got my negative self-image? I got it from family, friends, and other girls who bullied me. It had nothing to do with Barbie’s unrealistic size. I never once thought, “I want to be her size, because it’s what’s pretty.” I saw Barbie as a doll, not as something to aspire to. I never once looked at the old Care-bears and thought, “Look at their size, I should eat more to be like that.” We need to stop blaming unrelated sources for the issues other females are causing. Unfortunately, I don’t see a way to fix it and it only gets worse as you get older. It turns from what other people are saying to you and about you, to what YOU are saying to you and about you.
Ok, back to what I was saying in the beginning. First of all, I want to say that I found an amazing video that I will add below. I hope you watch it because it’s important and goes along with what I said above.
Now, I found an article titled “The Psychology of Insecurity: Where Does Self-hatred Come From?” This answers many of the questions I just posed above: where does it all come from? When does it all start? Babies don’t come out hating themselves, right? Is it taught? Is it embedded in our genes? The article states, “Nobody is born with a gene for self-hatred – it’s an environmental and cultural development that comes from your place in society and your experiences.” This is so unfortunate that the people who are supposed to help us, only cause us to hate ourselves. But it’s not all because you were abused, the article also states, “You can feel insecure simply because your parents worked too much as a kid or had to divide their time among too many siblings. A child’s early identity formation is crucial, and if no one is around to teach them they are valuable, special, and loved, they can have a hard time feeling it later on.” The article ends with saying, “It’s difficult to pinpoint one underlying cause of insecurity. It can start in childhood or it can develop over time. It can cripple you mentally and emotionally, or it can simply make it hard to ask the girl at the bar for her number. But what really matters is that virtually everyone is insecure in one way or another. When you’re working to overcome to absorption of negative attitudes and beliefs about yourself, remember that almost everyone you know has gone through the same battle.”
This was such a blessing to find. Sometimes it’s a good reminder that other people go through this also. But how can I love myself again? How can love me the way I did when I was little? For this, I turned to another article titled “How to Turn Self-Hatred into Self-Compassion” The thing that you need to focus on, according to the article, is self-compassion. The five things they give are as follows:
Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you care about
Recognize that beliefs do not equal truths
Embrace the concept of “good enough”
Consider turning to spirituality or religion
If you hate yourself for mistakes you made, make amends
Let me talk about these for a moment. First, talking to yourself as if you were talking to someone you love is a good way to look at it. I would never have told my grandma that she’s ugly or fat because I never saw her that way. I saw her as this beautiful, loving, strong woman, who could overcome anything life threw at her. How do I see myself? Definitely not that way…more like the opposite. Second, recognizing the way you believe as not being true is a huge thing. I know I’m not ugly but I tell myself I am. Why? Because other people have told me that I am. Third, how do we embrace the concept of “good enough?” The dictionary says, “adequately good for the circumstances.” We don’t have to be perfect, no one is, but we can do our best and leave the rest up to God. That brings us to number four, turning to spirituality or religion. The whole topic in sacrament meeting yesterday was self-esteem and self-love. One of the speakers said that when you know you are daughter (or son) of God, how can you hate yourself? This hit home for me. No matter who I am or what I do, he will always love me. Perhaps I need to focus on seeing myself the way he sees me? Lastly, number five, make amends for the mistakes you hate yourself for. This could be easier said than done. I am one of those people who lay in bed some nights and a thought comes to my mind, reminding me of what I did wrong months ago and how stupid I was. It’s hard to let go of those things. I think this relates a lot to my post about learning to forgive people who hurt us, honestly, because we hurt ourselves.
You may be wondering why I am focusing on this today. Well, for one thing, it’s one of my 30 before 30 items that I need to check off and this helps me hold myself accountable. I’m not going to say that I completely love myself today but I’m working on it. Second, the topic in church yesterday made me want to post about it. I guess that’s how the spirit works, isn’t it?
As always, thank you for visiting my blog. This post took me some time to do because a) I wanted to give you the best information I could and b) no one likes to admit they don’t love themselves. I hope you can check out the inner voice video as well as the song and other articles I added below. Keep coming back each week for new content. I love you all and I hope this helps you learn to love yourselves as well.
Hello friends and family. I want to give you all a little update in my life so you can all be reassured that I am, indeed, okay.
Last any of you knew I was still trying to figure things out and I was either in Missouri or L.A. Well, I am now in neither place. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I am Near Fresno rooming with my best friend and her boyfriend and their daughter. I know a lot of people have their concerns about this set up but it’s all going to work out. How do I know this? Faith!
I’m not going to write much because I just wanted to let you all know that I am in good hands. I have a job, I have a place to stay with my own room, and I have food in my belly. I’m not let out in the cold rain to starve, I know I’m loved. Just know that I am ok and I am making it through everything.
And as always, thank you for checking out my blog! Keep coming back here every week.