Tag Archives: Forgiveness

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past but you sure do change the future.” -Bernard Meltzer

Hello everyone. I hope you are all doing well. I was up late last night, as insomnia is a part of PCOS, and I was doing some thinking. Of course, when you’re lost in thought, one thing leads to another and your mind has wandered to a place you didn’t expect. That’s what this blog post is about.

I’ve blogged about different points on my 30 before 30 list several times and I want to revisit one I’ve talked about before, number 12: Forgive people who hurt me. Why do I want to revisit this one? Well, sometime while I was lost in thought, a specific person came to mind and I realized, I am ready to forgive him. For the sake of privacy, we shall call him D. He was my first love, the one I swore I would be with forever. I met him when I was 16, when I lived in Missouri and we dated for about six months and he was there for me during the darkest time of my life. We broke up because I had to move away and it was hard for both of us. We loved each other but we didn’t know what would happen with having 3,000 miles between us. We both went through a lot of change, dated different people, then in 2011 we had the opportunity to reunite. It didn’t go the way I had always envisioned. Two weeks later he got married. I won’t bore you with the woes of that day I found out because they don’t matter anymore. I will say, the best thing to come of that was a one-on-one lunch and movie with my Uncle Dirk.

Anyway, as I lay awake thinking about him and the feeling of forgiveness, an idea popped into my head and I honestly debated it a lot. But here it goes, a letter to D, from me. Will he ever read it? I don’t know, he doesn’t need to. It’s more for myself than for him. If you want to stop reading here, I will understand. I’m glad you came to my blog and I hope you continue coming back. If you’d like to read this letter, here it is:

Dear D,

I want to start this letter by saying thank you. Because of you, I learned a lot about myself, about the world, about pain and joy, and about letting go of it all. I have thought about you a lot in the last decade, though it’s less and less as time passes.

I’m happy for you and your life. Your two little girls are adorable and your wife is a beautiful mother. To be honest, it may take longer to forgive her but I am glad for what I went through with her. All the harsh words, the pain, everything helped me let you go.

I hope you are safe in your position in the military. I hope your daughters grow up knowing they have a very strong and wonderful dad. I hope they look up to you and know that you will protect them no matter what.

There was a time when I was jealous. I wanted to be here. I wanted to be the one to be yours forever. But I now know what we had was not forever. You were a branch, not a root. You were in my life when I needed you the most, you were there crying with me in the hospital as I prepared to say goodbye to my grandma. You were there, listening to me sob as I told you ever pain I had during that dark time. And for that I am grateful. You were the rock I needed. And I’m so glad you are able to that rock for your family.

I wish nothing but happiness and health in your life. It may have taken me years to get to this point but I honestly do. I hope you are doing well and that, if you ever read this, you know that it comes from my heart.

Thank you D, for being the first love and the first heartbreak I needed. I’m glad you were a part of my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything. You helped make me who I am today.

Sincerely,

Carra

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“When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.” -Bernard Meltzer

25319884_1756491134659277_1436553091_oToday I want to talk about a specific point in my 30 Before 30 list; forgiving those who have hurt me. Why do I want to talk about that specific point? Well, last week I went to my college to meet with a counselor to get my Student Education Plan done, which was a great meeting by the way. Anyway, I saw someone there that I always hoped to never see again. And it was at that moment that I realised that number 12 will be one of the most difficult things to accomplish.

No, I am not one to hold a grudge but this person in particular hurt me in a way no one else in the world ever could. How could I forgive this person? I mean, I was able to forgive the one person who hurt me more than anyone else in the world, my mom. Why couldn’t I forgive this person?

Who is the person I am speaking of? Well, his name isn’t important but he was a guy I dated a long time ago. He wasn’t my first love or even my first boyfriend but he lied and stole almost $600 from me then lied some more. He hurt me mentally and emotionally. He took something I could never get back. How could I forgive him for that? How could you forgive such a manipulative human being?

It’s been seven years and every single time I hear his name or see him, the same anger bubbles up from the depths of my soul. How do I let this go? Well, thankfully we live in the day and age of the internet so I looked up a few things to help me out.

I started reading a wikihow article (found here). The first part in forgiving someone is deciding to forgive, which I have. Under the first step it says the following, “Forgiveness does not mean excusing or accepting the betrayal. Rather, forgiveness is the act of freeing yourself of the anguish and anger that you’ve felt towards the person who betrayed you. Forgiveness means letting go of your grudge against the other person.” We’ve all heard that holding grudges just hurt us and it’s so true, we feel so much better when we free ourselves of those feelings.

Under part two, step one it says the following, “If you’re sad, ashamed, or angry about being betrayed, that is perfectly natural. Try to find positive ways to deal with these feelings. Accepting how you feel is an important step toward emotional recovery, which is the first step toward forgiveness.” All too often we don’t want to acknowledge the negative feelings we have toward a particular human being but we need to. I know that I have negative feelings toward him.

I really like what it says under step 10, “While the betrayal you experienced may seem senseless and random at the time, step back and try to give the experience value. Instead of thinking of it as a completely terrible event without any beneficial aspects, you could think of ways in which you might actually be thankful for it. The meaning you take from the misery of betrayal can bolster your emotional strength, which you can then use to forgive the person who betrayed you.” If that incident had never happened, I wouldn’t have some of the experiences I’ve had. I also wouldn’t have the knowledge.

It may seem weird but researching it helped me understand why this point is on my 30 Before 30 list. Yes, I put it there. But I didn’t know how beneficial it would be to me. But after reading the articles I found, which I will add links to them below, I feel better about it. I can forgive. There is nothing I shouldn’t be able to forgive.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog and I hope that if you are struggling to forgive someone that this has helped you. Read the articles and decide now that you want to set yourself free. And if all else fails and you need a laugh, watch the music video below!

Forgiveness After Betrayal

The Art of Forgiveness: 10 Steps to Handling Betrayal With Elegance and Grace

The Power of Forgiveness

When You Have Been Betrayed

How to forgive when you’re still mad