Tag Archives: Donate

“Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.” -Dr. Meredith Grey

pcosWith the month of September right around the corner, I wanted to post about something important to me. I’ve posted about it a couple of times before, and that’s PCOS. You can read those posts here and here.

For those who don’t know what it is or want to learn more about it, I will be making weekly posts about it. September is PCOS Awareness Month and I think what better way to bring awareness is through my blog?

This week I want to share about when I found out. I haven’t shared much about my thoughts and feelings on that day and why not kick it off with that?

It was last year, around this time actually. I was going in for a checkup to see what I could do about my acne because I was 25 and tired of it, I looked like a teenager and didn’t want to anymore. I went into the office, fully expecting her to look at my face and tell me to change my diet and take this specific medication. What I didn’t expect was to come out of that office with answers that I had been searching for for years. The doctor telling me “you are a textbook case of PCOS” still rings in my ear.

Of course, I didn’t want to take up any more of the doctor’s time and figured I could learn about it on my own. Big mistake, huge. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself, the more I read that day, the worse I felt. It’s the leading cause of female infertility? So I may never have babies? It could lead to ovarian cancer? So I may get cancer?

Just an FYI, don’t just start researching on your own, it’s very overwhelming. I cried off and on for quite a while. And many people I talked to about it kind of just brushed it off like it was nothing. “so you’ll adopt, it’s fine.” or “you’re fine, nothing is wrong with you.” That one was probably my favorite because yes, there was something wrong with me.

I eventually gave up on telling people for a bit because I felt like I needed to just suffer on my own because no one really took it seriously. It’s an issue you can’t see so it must not be too bad, right? I hate that! I honestly hate that. But I didn’t make this post to rant about that, so let’s continue on with the story.

I was afraid and felt so alone. I didn’t know anyone who had been diagnosed with PCOS, I felt like the only one in the world who had it. Everyone I talked to never even knew what that was. So I don’t have a period every month, I should be thankful. That’s about the extent anyone knows. This is why PCOS Awareness Month exists. This is why I keep talking about it. This is why Buzzfeed did a video on it.

There’s so much I could say about my feelings of having PCOS. It is an emotional rollercoaster that I will never get off. There’s no cure and there may never be one. They’re barely starting to learn about what causes it so we still have a long way to go. But if you feel so inclined to donate, please do. You never know what your money could be helping accomplish.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog. I hope you keep returning to learn more about PCOS. And don’t forget to wear your teal in the month of September. I know I have my nail polish.

Advertisements

“Don’t be discouraged Oh I realize It’s hard to take courage” -True Colors Lyrics

36517389_1849541408687582_7254849853488889856_nHello everyone! I apologize for being MIA for so long. Has it really been since May? Well, Not too much has changed in my life as of late. Still no work, still going to school, still dating the same guy. One thing to note is that I finished my Drama 1 class last week with an A, I actually loved it. I’m now focusing on my ASL 1 and Math classes that I have left this summer. I hope to post more about my ASL class later. Today I want to be real with everyone. Life is hard, sometimes it feels too hard. It’s even harder to admit that it’s hard for you. Sometimes you have to just pull yourself together in the morning and pretend you aren’t hurting inside.

I’ll be the first to admit that I feel this way sometimes. It’s been more often than not lately and I hate to burden people with my struggles because they’re already doing so much for me.

Life has been really discouraging lately. I have applied to over 100 places; office jobs, fast food, retail, child care. So far, I had two interviews, the first one I was emailed less than a week later saying they went with someone more qualified and the other one I knew I wasn’t going to get because the interviewer was really rude to me at the end. My bank also feels the need to remind me that I have $11 to my name right now because I don’t have a job. Thankfully I have people willing to support me with the things I need so I’m not homeless, starving, or having to drop school. But I don’t enjoy relying on others to buy me food, pay for my textbooks and school fees, living in a house with no way to chip in. I can’t even qualify for food stamps because I’m taking more than 6 college units and not working at least 20 hours a week. You may think I’m exaggerating but I’m not, that is literally the policy. Apparently if you’re going to school full-time, you can afford to pay for food yourself. I also was wanting to take up YouTube gaming and created my channel and everything but ran into an issue when my computer couldn’t run the software. So, I’m at a loss.

Now, I don’t share my struggles to get sympathy or to become a charity case. I tell you these things so you know where I’m coming from. I am discouraged and I’m struggling. I’m also not saying I’m not extremely grateful for all that those around me have done to help me be where I am right now. I am more indebted to those people than even imaginable. Michaela literally changed my life. 2018 has not been the year I had hoped it would be, it started out in the worst possible way and has been a swirling rollercoaster ever since.

The question remains, though. What am I going to do moving forward. Everyone has their opinions on what you should do to get back on track.  The following are my plans:

  • First, I will continue to focus on my education because that’s all I really can do right now. I am on my last year of community college and I’ll be done.
  • Second, I will be doing is writing. I want to write more of my book, I do have less than 4 years to make my goal so I need to get on it. I also want to write in my journal each day, even if I don’t have much to say.
  • Third, I will be diving back into bullet journaling. I have let it slip away as of late and I want it back, I felt so happy and together when I was bullet journaling.
  • Fourth, I will be working on my art. I got a drawing notebook and pencils and haven’t done much with them. I think it’s time I do that.
  • Fifth, I will be working on my health. The stress of the last several months has taken a toll on my body and it’s showing, anyone who has seen me lately can attest to that.

I think those things are a good start. Of course, I’ll still be trying to find a job but I need to take care of me because no one else can do that for me. No one can fix the inside when it’s hurt, only I can do that. And I am ready to do so.

I thank you all for being on this ride called life with me. I will be back posting every Monday, I was away for far too long. I thought about posting so often but I was in a rut that I couldn’t get out of. But being in school (physically rather than online) has helped me immensely and I am starting to feel a little bit more like myself. I want to be me again. I, of course, won’t be the same. We’re always changing and this year has changed me a lot.

Thank you for coming to my blog and I hope you keep coming back. My posts aren’t typically this heavy but I wanted people to know my heart.

I want to close this post with something very off topic, though. This coming Saturday is International Save the Vaquita Day. Check out this link here to see if there’s an event near you. And if you don’t know what vaquitas are, they are the world’s smallest porpoises and they are going extinct. There are about 12 left and they only live in one place, the gulf of Mexico. They are being killed because they are getting caught in illegal gill nets. If you can, donate to their cause. They are amazing creatures that are suffering at the hands of man.