I think this week has been a roller coaster….and it’s not even the end of the week! I am stressing a little, which is totally lame, my family has been unsupportive and I lost a dear friend. But the positives: I read a beautiful love story on a blog that I am following called “That Good Part” I was informed of good news from my mission, and I got to visit with some people. Well, I will be explaining all of these things here tonight.
So, my family has been so…back and forth. One minute they think I’m great and the next minute I’m worthless. This is getting ridiculous, and if they read this then maybe they will know how I feel. I’m not a piece of trash to be kicked around. Here is a prime example:
Tuesday night, one of my weekly cooking nights, I was to make hamburger helper. My friend came over just as I was starting dinner to bring me something I had forgotten at her house and we visited while I was cooking. So My whole family silently walks out of the house and to the truck and leaves. They didn’t tell me they were leaving, I had no idea where they were going. I finished cooking and they hadn’t returned. My wonderful friend sat there and ate dinner with me so I wasn’t eating alone. Ten minutes later they text me saying my company had to leave because they were tired (Poorest excuse in the book) so she left (which we were going to watch Pretty Little Liars together but that went down the toilet). My family came back about five minutes after she left and wouldn’t talk to me. About ten minutes after they had been home I asked if they were going to eat, one said “We had Taco Bell.” THEY KNEW I WAS MAKING DINNER. THEY SAW ME COOKING AND THEY LEFT TO GO EAT SOMEWHERE ELSE. You wanna know why they left? Because apparently they don’t like my friend. She did nothing to them. I am so done. And it’s just been increasingly worse since them. I’m nothing more than trash to them and I did absolutely nothing to deserve being treated this way. So at the present time, no one will even look at me so apparently I don’t exist. I hate being treated this way and they don’t understand that it’s damaging. But whatever. I guess I’m just going to end up screwing up my life, according to them. I guess that I high school diploma, college credits, volunteer work, the fact that I did have a job, and now I’m going on a mission is nothing. I have no idea what they want from me. I saw I want to work with kids, they say I need to go to a technical school and get a quick degree in something that makes more money because I’m high maintenance (their words not mine). I say I got 2 jobs right before Summer of 2012 they say it’s useless because one of them I wasn’t getting paid for and the other wasn’t very good either because it wasn’t anything useful (It was a nanny job). I saw I’m going on a mission they say I could use that money for something more important and I need to get a job and go to school. I introduce them to a new boyfriend, they threaten to kick me out because I like a boy (I am a 21 year old female, do they want me to be gay?). The cycle never ends. I try to show that I’m doing something with my life and they just shoot it down. There is no winning here, seriously! I give up. They don’t even want to be there to see me off at the airport when I leave for my mission. Apparently they don’t care if I’m in their lives or not, which I guess I don’t need them either.
Next subject: My friend Becca (from my post about letting go) finally said she didn’t want to be my friend. We had a long drawn out conversation and it end with her saying I needed to accept myself before anyone else could. This…this made me upset because I know EXACTLY who I am and if she can’t see that or if I don’t measure up to the person she wanted me to be, well that’s too bad. I am the person I am today because I know my faults and I accept them. I know that I am bossy sometimes and I correct people all the time. If you can’t handle me then I don’t need you in my life and that’s that. I don’t like when people try to force their ideas of a perfect person down my throat. I am not trying to be a cookie cutter friend. I am me, I make mistakes and I won’t change for each individual friend. I hope my friends wouldn’t change for anyone either. I like them the way they are. But she started changing for someone else a long time ago and hasn’t been the same. She has just brought me down since then I don’t need a negative Nancy on my case all day everyday. I became her friend because we were similar but different. No we have practically nothing in common. Anyway, enough about negatives…
Subject number three! So I got a call Tuesday morning from the mission office from my mission and they told me that I don’t have to buy a bike. This is excellent news because now I will save $600. YAY for saving money. I will now have a car mission. This is kind of a bummer, you can only drive a certain number of miles per month so you have to make sure to plan you meetings well. This is both good and bad I guess. Nothing can ever be all positives or all negative though…
On another topic, for those of my readers that live in Fresno, California the downtown historic water tower needs more volunteers. They have 3 hour shifts (10:00am-1:00pm or 1:00pm-4:00pm) 6 days a week (closed on Sundays). Here’s a picture of the water tower if you didn’t know what it looks like.
I apologize for my rotten mood in this post but people haven’t been supportive lately and it’s just…well you know. Anyway. I hope all of you have a happy day today! Love you all, even if I don’t know you. If you want to read something better, here is the link to the best love story I’ve ever read. It’s a continuous post though and she has 12 up right now. http://thatgoodpart.wordpress.com/2012/12/12/the-story-homey-and-me-a-love-story-part-one-of-a-lot-intro-and-galloping-adolescence/